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Saturday, August 7, 2010

Fuck your dad -- I'm proud of you

1. I am a complete loser. I left to join the navy and got a cool job dealing with missiles, clearances. Secret squirrel stuff, school was fun but now all I do is sit around being a facebook troll. I got stationed near home and initially thought that was awesome but all my firends had moved away or changed to the point where we aren't friends anymore. I'm 19 and too low of a paygrade to hangout with anyone else so I'm stuck at the barracks Monday thru Friday
2. My stepdad just killed himself and there's nothing I can do to comfort my mother or solve the feud between families (his blames my mother, and I swear if I get a chance to see ONE of those cocksuckers I will kill them where they stand) my mother breaks down on a daily basis and pushes me away when I try and be there for her. So I spend my weekends helping her clean around the house because she isn't motivated enough to move about too often.
3. I hate my sister. I got a lot of love for her, but loathe her life decisions. She believes that god will provide her with everything she needs (including a man...) she has been out of highschool for 3 years and has done absolutely nothing.
4. I'm quite sure I'm schitzophrantic, I do not remember doing half the things I see my name on, nor the handwriting is the same. But its paperwork I was assigned to do. I also find myself holding a fullscale conversation with "someone" who happens to be myself zoned out. This has only started recently, but I'm quite sure it will get worse as time goes on. 
5.suicide has become almost a daily thought now, between my own lack of motivation from hating my job, having to take care of everyones problems, STILL waiting for my father to tell me he's proud of me... (I'M A ROCKET SCIENTIST IN THE NAVY....) and my pure lack of a social life. Its looking pretty damn good. Only thing holding me back is I do not want to kill my mother from it.

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