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Never heard that one before

1. I think about killing myself.
2. But then I realize I'd still want to be around, so I could hear what people say about me.
3. I have an unhealthy amount of sexual fantasies involving my friend of the same gender, who is in the first healthy relationship of her life.
4. In fact I have more fantasies about her than I do about any guys, and I (generally) consider myself straight.
5. I stare at other girls crotches, not because it's hot, but because I'm hoping to catch a glimpse of their bush and see if it's as wild and untamed as mine is. They usually are.

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