Yeah, you could say that

1. I have started throwing up 80% of what I eat everyday. I started a diet about 3 weeks ago and I guess you could say I've taken it to the extremes. I know its bad but I'm losing weight and that is what I have been desperately wanting for a long time.
2. I've had a threesome with my first serious boyfriend and his wife.
3. I sometimes wish I could just go and be free like when I was younger. I feel so old these days.
4. I feel like such an awful mother sometimes. Even though I love my kid more than life itself.
5. If I could toture and murder my father's father and get away with it I would in a heartbeat. He molested me for years and I fucking hate him! And his piece of shit son I unfortuantely call my father.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Bottle full of pills

1.i just took a bottle of tylenol. i dont care if i die, i just want to get sick enough to see if anybody even cares.
2.i started cutting again. 3 months i was cut free but i had to do it
3.i cant handle this anymore, i literally dream about killing myself, i know everybody would be better off without me
4.i used to be anorexic but i have pretty good control of it, except lately, i havent eaten in 3 days. i dont plan on eating either.
5.i just cant care anymore. it hurts to much

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual


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I suck at math too

1) even though i hate the idea of marriage, there is only one guy that knows that if i'm with him, then my idea of it is completely turned around

2) I still feel uncomfortable with my body around him though. I have these weird mole/pimple things on my leg and after popping/ destroying one, i have a purple discoloration. I wear board shorts over my swimsuit bottoms now

3) I've been yelled at by my boyfriend that i need to eat more. I dont weigh even a hundred pounds and never want to again. today he had told me i need to eat more and he doesn't want to see me in the hospital because my body can't handle the lack of nutrition. what kills me is that even after him saying that i want to keep 'starving' myself.

4) I don't not eat everyday but i dont eat much. i eat when i get home from school and tell myself that's all i should eat. I think I may have a problem but i'm not sure if i care

5) i'm getting tutoring by my boyfriend and i feel stupid. its geometry which people tell me is hard anyway but when it comes to math, i feel dyslexic. i dont look forward to tutoring ever

*bonus* I dont know if i'm straight or bisexual. i have only liked guys and done anything as far as making out with them, but i have always found girls sexy. It bugs me to no extent that i dont know but dont want to say i'm something i'm not.. (K do you have any advice on that? I'm scared to ask any friends or family)

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

[Don't worry about labels. I think that sexuality is fluid and that most people make WAY too big of a deal about it. Call yourself whatever you identify the most strongly with, if you must call yourself something. It sounds like that is straight, but don't give yourself a hard time for thinking girls are sexy or any other "gay" thoughts. I know plenty of straight men and women who have messed around with or fantasized about people of the same gender and just as many gay men and women who mess around with people of the opposite gender, and everything in between. People are attracted to people, not gender.
K]


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You and everyone else

I think I have a drug problem
I think I have a drinking problem
I think I have a sex problem
I think I have a eating problem
I think I think too much...

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: n/a


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The pooch is all in your mind

1) i'm starting to work out since its gonna be warmer out. anorexia or bulimia seem like easier choices. I was anorexic before to a point but that was brought on by depression after a harsh break up

2) I wonder about people in my life. I notice that regardless of what I say, I always seem to trust people to quickly

3) as you know, we're in the season of lent. I announced to give up pop and eating a lot of junk food. I made a secret lenten vow to just eat hardly at all.

4) i already dont eat breakfast or lunch, but snack when i get home. I feel like a pig for it

5) my bf is about 120lbs and only a couple inches taller than me. He should weigh about 140lbs. I'm 5'3" and weigh between 100 and 90lbs but i have a 'pooch' and i hate it. he doesn't and comments once in a while but not in a bad way. I'm still trying to decide if anorexia or bulimia is the way to go on top of working out. the work outs would consist of running mostly

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Have you given up?

1. I have been having an affair with my best friend's fiance for two and a half years, and she has no idea.

2. I started being bulimic in the fifth grade, and I am almost positive everybody has given up on my recovery.

3. I still have meaningless sex with strangers even though I am married.

4. My sibling died of a drug overdose when I was a teenager, but we still tell people he had a heartattack.

5. I cheated on half of my tests in college

Gender: n/a
Sexual Orientation:n/a



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First, flush the pills down the toilet.

1) I get homicidal thoughts all the time. Half the time I think about how easy it would be to strangle someone or stab them or something. I constantly need to remind myself that killing people wouldn't solve anything, but I think I'm getting weaker and I'm scared.
2) I know I have anger management issues, but people don't notice because I'm generally a pretty calm person. If anyone were to get inside my head, though... it's a completely different person.
3) I have a little bag of pills in my night table. There are probably about 25 of them in it. I take the bag out every night and I stare at the pills, thinking about what would happen if I swallowed them. I think about what my day will probably be like the next day, etc. I always end up putting them back, but my hope is running out quickly and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to withstand it.
4) I've had an eating disorder called pica for a long time now. I eat paper and cardboard all the time. And this sounds weird, but I love chewing on Kleenex. I also eat the dirt from under my nails, which sounds gross, I guess, and I've tried to stop but I can't.
5) I don't know what to do. I don't know where my life is going. I try so hard in everything but nothing works. I'm just tired.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual


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Doesn't sound like recovery to me

1. I'm anorexic.
2. I'm also bulimic.
3. I'm in recovery for anorexia but i purge everything.
4. My mom hates the shit out of me.
5. my dad doesnt really care about my ed's.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Dicking people around is rarely a good idea

1 i am in love with someone who used to love me and it hurts to know that i might not be able to see them because i waited too long
2 my boyfriend is making me relapse into my old eating disorders
3 im so scared to break up with him i know i need to do but i ignored all my friends while i was with him so i feel like i have to one else
4 i hate being co dependent but i always find myself in these situations
5 i would give anything to go back to the night that he told me he loved me and i dicked him around....

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual


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The kids might rather have a happy mom

1. My  husband cheats on me constantly but I'm staying with him for the kids even though I'm unhappy.
2. I've relapsed back into anorexia  after two years recovered and nobody knows I don't eat.
3. I've considered killing myself several times but couldn't do it because I don't want the kids  to  have to live with that.
4. I'm still in love with my ex.
5. My  parents hate me and haven't talked to me in over a year because I stayed with my husband after the first time he cheated.

Bonus: I secretly hate my best   friend.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Fifteen sucked for me too

1) I am fifteen and i have already smoked weed & ciggs, drank, and done ecstasy 12 times. I still do them all and i want to try acid & salvia .. might even try Heroin (kind of scared though..)
2) I first started cutting in eigth grade but stopped, now i'm in tenth grade and i started back up and there worse than ever now. Everything is shit right now and last week i was so close to killing myself. I also have an eating problem. I am 5'9 or 5'10 and weigh around 120 pounds. I know im not fat but i constantly freak out when i look like im gaining my weight. Since i freak out so bad i go a day without eating & i still try to excercise to burn off some extra stuff.
3) I am a virgin but not by choice. Right now there are 3 guys i would fuck but i dont know how to pursue anything even though i know two of them would totally be up for it. This bugs me so much because my best friend has had sex more than like 6 times so it makes me feel like im nothing in comparison to her (obviously from these secrets you can tell i have really low self esteem) Since i havent had that much luck with guys i have even considered getting intimate with this chick.. im kind of scared that ive alwasy been curious about this and its just because of the no luck with guys.
4) I hate my dad with everything in me. He makes me never want to be home which is why i always hang out with my best friend. He has called me fat, ugly, said he didnt need me, bitch, told me my mom doesnt love me the same as my bro, and justt other things like this. He's physically abusive as well as emotionally. it makes me feel like i am in fact nothing (so whats the point living?)My bro is in afghanistan and i worry about him constantly. I love my mom to death but i know the feeling isnt mutual
5)My life is horribe right now and i dont know how to fix it. School,family,friends,myself,and everything else is just wrong. I am hurt constantly becausee i am too dependent and get attached to people easily. I feel like im digging a hole and cant get out.. i try but cant think of any way to make things better. I am constantly fighting a battle in my mind to live another day.. I feel like theres soo much more i need to say but this is getting to long so i guess if i think of it i'll post aaainn

Can you please give me some advice. I would really appreciate it.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

[First, you are NOT fat. Even if you have the smallest body frame, you are ten pounds underweight. Just given the stats you've listed here, you have the figure of a supermodel, which is something that most women don't even hope to attain. Do not worry about your weight.

Second, I can understand why you would be depressed -- your family situation would be incredibly difficult to deal with for anyone. Insults and criticism are hard to hear from anyone and it is exponentially more difficult to handle it from your family. In an ideal world, your family is supposed to be the one source of unconditional love you can rely on and the potential negative implications on your psyche for lack of that support system are staggering.

As far as what to do, there isn't an easy answer. You are probably right in your assumption that you get hurt so much because of your dependence on and easy attachment to other people. I have been through that myself, and the only way I've ever been able to address it is by building my own self esteem and loving myself. Seeking reassurance externally from other people will NEVER fulfill your need for love -- it's like trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in the bottom. The hole in your heart can't be repaired with anything but self love -- it's the only kind of love you can control and which will never leave you. Spend some time trying to figure out what you want to do, what makes you feel good about yourself -- it could be a hobby, a type of creative expression like drawing or writing, exercising, studying something you find interesting, reading, whatever it is that makes YOU feel good -- and do it. Try to find lots of things like that, get to know yourself and learn how to make yourself happy. When you love yourself, the compulsion to become attached to random people fades because you know inside that you deserve better, that not just anyone should be a part of your life.

All the drugs and stuff will only make you feel worse. Substance abuse is just a way of running from what is really bothering you and running doesn't fix anything. When I feel like drowning out my feelings (which I do and have done any number of different ways throughout my life), now I try to instead sit down with a journal and figure out what I am REALLY feeling, what it is that I really want or need and address it directly. None of this will be easy -- taking good care of yourself is much harder than taking care of other people in many ways -- but it's worth it. And for god's sake, please don't try heroin. Watch Requiem for a Dream. I've never seen anything that more clearly illustrates exactly how bad that shit is. Good luck.

K]


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Nuthnng is good enough

-have posted b4 its kinda like my diary.
-starting to regret ever having sex. Wish I could say I was a virgin.
-I think about starving myself bc in my eyes I'm fat, but I love food too much to actually not eat or to puke it up.
-I'm a selfish bitch,its like no matter what I get or have or do nuthnng is good enough.
- I think about hurting myself to the point tht I wld hav to be in the hospital and hav a chance of dyng jus so I can see who cares enough to come see me and to feel my pain.
- the first thing I posted wasn't rele a secret so ill put another one. I'm young but I hav drank vodka,beer,etc n smoked weed,siggs, etc but I havnt for awhile bc I dnt like it I did it bc it helped releiv stress and jus to c what it was like basiclly I took my anger out on it..the thing is, even tho ik its bad and cld kill me etc..I still almost go 2 it just because I dnt wnt to hav stress or care about anythng for the couple hours I wld be intoxicated. The worst part about it is tht my mom is in A.A. great.
-
Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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No is a useful word

1. I hav an eating disorder. Not anerexia or belimia,etc. But an addiction I find my self eating uncontrollably all the time. It has gotten bad. To the point we're I think about starving myself.
2.I'm 14 and hav had sex 3times already. I feel like a failure to my family. I told my mom bout the first time bc I thot I wld b prego. I hav lied to her face bout the rest.
3.I think I mite be bi..jus dnt no yet for sure..
4.if I am bi..I dnt think ill evr admit to it..
5.I can't say "no"

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: n/a



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Pills will make your counselor's job easier.

1) I'm starting to hate my best friend
2) i dont know if i'm still in love with my ex or not
3) I hate my father
4) my counciler says i should be put on stress relieving pills
5) i think i'm becomming annorexic

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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Let's all be miserable together

1. my parents still believe i stopped talking to this guy. in fact, he's been my online boyfriend for more than half a year now and i plan on keeping it this way. he even managed to send a teddy bear, without them realising.
2. I have been cutting myself since I was about 8, so almost 10 years now. I didn't even bother to wear long sleeves at school, because no one ever noticed. People are just so blind, that I don't know how I will ever manage to stop.
3. I managed to quit cutting for a few months, but this only got me further down. Now i have anorexia too, and I'm using one to handle the other, and vice versa.
4. My biggest fear is to be happy. It means I let go of fear for a while, and that's the only thing I'm comfortable with. I beg myself to not be happy, but i can't control it.
5. the two people who know about what i go through, (have) suffer(ed) from similar things. when i talk to them, i actually feel bad because they were worse, and lie about myself. i pretend to be worse than i actually am, just to be able to relate to them more.


Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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Keep hating on yourself & you'll never believe him

1. Whenever I'm sad, i listen to sad music to make me even more sad. Then I

cut. When I'm happy, I listen to happy music to try to keep me that way. When

that goes away, I cut. I CUT. I told you, you told the whole school. I lied

and said you lied. I wish somebody would be smart enough to know that i

lied.

2. I want to go anorexic, even though people say I'm skinny. They don't know

me. They don't know my struggles. Words hurt... Remember that.

3. I think I'm ungrateful. Once i get a wonderful boyfriend, i find a

problem and get upset. I wish i could just like a person for them self. I'm

working on it.

4. When he tells me he loves me, or that im beautiful, astonishing, amazing,

confident, pretty, skinny, perfect, and nice, I can never believe him. I

know that for somebody to think that, they should be committed- I'm ugly,

fat, far from perfect, and just a bad person. I can't help but think he's

lying... It kills me inside. I cannot believe him.

5. I can't even tell my best friend my secrets, in fear that she'll reject

me, tell my parents, tell her friends... I trust her. But i don't trust

myself.

Help.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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In is lame anyway

First off, please comment for help or any advice..etc.
1.some days I wake up & I feel good bc I look skinny..but its like the second I eat sumthn wen I look in the mirror again it kooks like I hav a freakin baby bump! I always feel so fat& I am...well I think.

2. I hav thot about starving myself..but nvr did it fully.

3. I hav such bad jealousy issues tht I'm evn jealous of my family mmbrs sumtimes.

4. I'm always so mad at my mom 4not buying me the "in" clothes bc I am constantly wearing same sweatshirts pants shits etc. N nun r cute n "in". But I'm selfish bc ik we dnt hav the money 4 it.

5. I treat my moms bf like shit all the time bc I dnt wnt to get close to him. He's nice to me..normalyy..and will soon b step dad. And its already been 3yrs.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

[If you can tell a difference as soon as you eat something, you're probably very thin. The desire to be unnaturally thin is a modern construct that is unhealthy and primarily driven by corporations that sell diet-oriented products. There will always be someone you can compare yourself to and feel fat, but that is only because every human body is so unique that comparisons are useless. Stop beating yourself up.  

Jealousy is the only vice which gives no pleasure.

It sucks to be judged by other kids due to factors you can't control, but that is not your mom's fault for being poor. It's the kids' fault for being judgmental. Rise above it and if you can't, get a part time job when/if you're old enough and use the money to buy yourself "in" clothes. My family was poor when I was growing up, and that's what I did - I was better dressed, but it never made me any more popular. Clothes are just wrappers and labels we put on ourselves, it's what is inside you and what you do with it that really matters. You'll appreciate having nice things more when you earn them for yourself than your better-off classmates will ever be able to. 

As far as your soon to be step dad, sounds like you already know what to do about that -- try to get along with him and if you still feel the need to be mean to him, try to figure out why and whether it has anything at all to do with him. If it doesn't -- don't take it out on him.

Much Love,

K]

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Everyone fails at being perfect

1.) I cut myself to feel better about everything thats happened. With my boyfriend abusive past, my failure of being perfect like everyone wants and abusive family.
2.) I have an eating disorder because everyone in my family is smaller then me, I just want to be like them, why is that so HARD!?!?!
3.) I burn myself in the shower, every day. Boiling hot water, just so I feel better.
4.) The one person I WISH I could go to so deperately I cant, because Im so afraid they wont care... I love him so much and Im so scared he doesnt love me like he says he does...
5.) I cry myself to sleep because Im dying of a slow killing disease. Not cancer or anything like that, but It causes pain, IMMENSE pain...and thats all that matters...

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual





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The one with the ordinary friends

1: im a teenage girl and i have loads of friends..all my friends are all into their boys with 6 packs and geled hair,whereas im more into the pierced emo boys.but i havta lie everyday cas i dnt want them thinkin im different
2: i have 2 best friends..nd they both happen to be beautiful nd im sick to death of being compared to them like for once i dnt want to ne known as "the one with the pretty friends"
3: my brother is gay nd it doesnt bother me in the slightest..im just worried for his safety all the time!
4 : i fear that no boy will ever love me,i havent had a proper boyfriend ever and im afraid its going to be that way for the rest of my life
5 :im always thinkin that im bigger than most girls i know,and starving myself or makin myself sick is starting to seem more nd more appealing to me

Gender: n/a
Sexual Orientation: n/a



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I suppose shit is a part of life...

1. I know the man I love is a price of shit but I cant live without him.
2. I have been starving myself for the last 5 days and passed out in targets last night because of this.
3. I lie to everyone about how great he is because I'm ashamed of them finding out the truth bout him.
4. if I could ask God to take my life and him actually do it, I would because I don't want to live anymore but am too chicken shit to kill myself.
5. I cry everyday still in my room at night for my mom even though shes been dead for 7 year's

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: n/a



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