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Let's all be miserable together

1. my parents still believe i stopped talking to this guy. in fact, he's been my online boyfriend for more than half a year now and i plan on keeping it this way. he even managed to send a teddy bear, without them realising.
2. I have been cutting myself since I was about 8, so almost 10 years now. I didn't even bother to wear long sleeves at school, because no one ever noticed. People are just so blind, that I don't know how I will ever manage to stop.
3. I managed to quit cutting for a few months, but this only got me further down. Now i have anorexia too, and I'm using one to handle the other, and vice versa.
4. My biggest fear is to be happy. It means I let go of fear for a while, and that's the only thing I'm comfortable with. I beg myself to not be happy, but i can't control it.
5. the two people who know about what i go through, (have) suffer(ed) from similar things. when i talk to them, i actually feel bad because they were worse, and lie about myself. i pretend to be worse than i actually am, just to be able to relate to them more.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

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