You'll Think of Me

1. I used to be a borderline alcoholic. I got pregnant 7 months ago and quit drinking. 6 months ago I miscarried. I tried a few times to drink again, but for some reason I just couldn't take more than a few sips before I couldn't stand it anymore. I got pregnant again 3 months ago. This time the pregnancy is still going. I've never wanted a drink more than I do right now.

2. I've been from therapist to therapist my entire life. I never once wanted to go and it got to the point where I was getting court orders to attend because the doctors saw it so "needed" even though I wouldn't talk. Now I've lost the insurance that covered therapy, and am completely broke. There are no free therapy programs around where I live. For the first time in my life, I would do ANYTHING to go to therapy.

3. Keith Urban's song, "You'll Think of Me" made me finally ask myself "what the Hell am I doing?" I'm going nowhere but downhill in life. I've had a huge problem with this lately, but I can't seem to get past my anxiety to do anything beneficial. The few times where I do feel strong enough to get past the anxiety, I'm always too tired of fighting it by then, and just don't care anymore. I was coping with my downhill-guarantee at least enough to get through each day. After listening to that song, I KNOW something NEEDS to be done. I also know that nothing will happen because now I feel more hopeless than ever.

4. I'm engaged, pregnant, have a caring family, and have a dog that's always been there for me even though I now live hours away from him. I just got a cat 2 days ago...I honestly feel that my cat is the only thing that will stay by my side forever.

5. My biggest fear has always been that I would become just like my birth-mom with my children. I was taken away and adopted out due to her mental issues making her severely unfit and a lot of abuse and neglect happened behind closed doors with my step-father that she kept secret. I know I would never abuse or neglect my children or let anyone else harm them. But it's still always been a constant fear. I no longer fear that will be a problem though. Now I fear my child will be the kindergartner at school who doesn't have a mommy because it's mom killed itself before it was even old enough to remember her. I used to be strong enough to know that would never happen...Now I'm more sure than not that I won't be strong enough to stay alive, even for my own child. Knowing this makes me completely sick, but I can't find access to any help for my mental problems. At this point though, I'm somewhat fearful of finding happiness because depression and anger are all I know.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: n/a


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Beautiful mess

1) I don't remember the majority of my childhood, like 90% of it is just blank, and what I do remember mostly revolves around being severely beaten by a parent, and being raped by a neighbor when I was a young kid. He layed me over the tire of an atv and seriously hurt me. When I went home afterwards I got beaten for ruining my white t-shirt that had tire marks on it. Later, I ended up being abused by several other guys as well. As a result I acted out sexually towards others younger than me, and it makes me sick to think that I fucked them up as bad or worse than I ended up.

2) I had my first girlfriend at age 15, but was so worried about being a "gentleman" that I never fucked her even though she wanted me too, now 20 years later I can't stop being attracted to girls around that age. I never have and never would act on it, but no matter how much therapy I went to, I still wrestle with it because it would ruin me professionally and personally if anyone I know ever found out how much I would love to be with one.

3) My family has a history of mental illness. I was institutionalized for a few months as a teenager after an almost successful suicide attempt. Again, 20 years later I am now a well respected professional, and nobody would ever know how many skeletons are in my closet.

3) I love my wife deeply and don't want a divorce, however I'm obsessed with sex and can't get enough at home. My time is constantly interrupted by scheming and thinking about how I can manage to have a safe sexual encounter without risking my health, safety or freedom. I've gotten countless happy ending massages, etc. Most of the time however I usually end up masturbating to relieve the stress, and regretting the wasted time from sexual scheming afterwards.

4) If I was ever diagnosed with a terminal illness, I have seriously considered becoming a vigilante for the sake of my city. I am a very average normal looking guy, that could play the role of an unassuming victim. I fantasize about using the knowledge and skills I have obtained as an adult to absolutely declare war on the piece of shit thugs in this city. Let them think I am a victim in their midst right up until I put a bullet in their heads and burn their homes to the ground.

5) I an known amongst friends as the funny guy, the clown, and the confident & outgoing and loving friend. On the inside however, I am insecure, terrified that people will find out I'm such a mess, and jealous of anyone who has the women, money, status or leisure that I desire.
 
Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: straight


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My mother the sociopath

1. I am schizophrenic but am really afraid that I'm also a sociopath. When I tell people that I care about something, it's really just a lie to get some kind of reaction out of them, be it good or bad. The only time I feel bad is when I can't feel bad at all.

2. I ruined the best 'friendship' I've ever had because I was jealous of his progress and achievements and talked badly about him behind his back. When he found out and retaliated I pretended to not know what he was talking about, but he was done giving me second chances. I don't blame him.

3. I go to Alcoholics Anonymous but mostly I go instead of Narcotics Anonymous. I don't think I'm an alcoholic and I really want to drink. I think about it a lot.

4. My ex-boyfriend was really horny one night and I just wasn't feeling it but he kept pursuing me so I just had sex with him. I told people he assaulted me so I could break up with him. I still don't know if I really think that what he did was assault or not.

5. I am starting a great business with my best friend, but he wants to be with me. I'm confused about whether or not to stay and have a successful career if it means he thinks I like him, too. He wants me to be a 'mother figure' to his kids. I want to run away.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual


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Threeways aren't all they're cracked up to be

1. I am pretty sure im bi-polar

2. i get mad at my girlfriend when i have thoughts about how many people she has been with or anytime i see one of her ex's.  weve been dating for a couple of years. i just get in a bad mood towards her when i have those thoughts and i won't even tell her why.

3. i also get mad at her if im watching a porn or a conversation comes up about 3 somes. she has had one (that i know of) and i havent. i feel like i resent her for that and me not having a threesome.

4. I have the craziest sex fantasys and i mean crazy.  I love wild, rough, and crazy sex. i just wish my girl would open up.  2 years and she hasn't.

5. I love pussy but i have a urge to suck a guys cock.  nothing else.  i really want to have a guy force me to.  and i want to while a girl (either my girl friend or some other woman) watchs and/or video tapes it.

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: other


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Grass is always greener

hell yeah k, stand up for yourself... tell that little son of a bitch to kiss your ass... pendejo needs to stop trolling... lol

1. ironically, my first secret is that i think i might have an std... but unlike that idiot, i am getting my self checked... i had beed talking to one of my friends about this and she agreed to go with me next week... i'm afraid of the results but i'm hoping for the best...

2. i had posted here before about how much i like my co worker and about how he would tease me by lifting up his shirt and stuff... well, i keep trying to get over the crush i have on him... but no matter how hard i try, i cant... and he doesn't help at all... he does these little things that make me like him even more... like when i'm sad, he is the first to notice... he asks me whats wrong, and if i don't tell him he insists... or tries to make me smile again... if it wasn't because he is straight, i would think he likes me too... he told his girlfriend all these "great" things about me and somehow she became my friend... every time she sees me she acts like i'm her best friend... she hugs me and has a conversation with me... i actually like her...  which is why i feel so guilty for liking him... i just wish i knew what those great things he said about me are... she wont tell me and neither will he...

3. some of my coworkers told him that i am madly in love with him... i was so worried that he was gonna freak out and stop talking to me or something... but no... he acted like nothing had happened... the thing is, he has never confronted me about what ppl have been telling him about me. he hasn't even asked me about my sexual orientation...

4. this one time, he and i worked together and managed to finish our work four hours early... but instead of asking if one of us could go home early, we went into the cooler where we keep the beer and started drinking... lol...when the cashiers called us to the front to get shopping carts from outside, one of them noticed i was a little tipsy... lol luckily she didn't tell on us...

5. i recently managed to get my shrink to tell my probation officer that i didn't need counseling anymore... truth is i still need it... but the whole time that i had been seeing him i lied to him... almost everything that i told him was a lie... there was one thing that i did tell him that was the truth, and he helped me work on that issue. but that was as far as i was gonna allow him to know me...  i am really surprised that he never caught my lies... i never once contradicted myself... and he would record the conversations... i know he did, especially cuz he had to make monthly reports to my P.O. about my progress..i could have ended the sessions earlier if it wasn't because i made my lies so complicated... i made my life seem like a disaster when in reality is was paradise... and i couldn't just go the next month and say everything was suddenly better... so i had to make it seem like i was taking his advice(which was actually good btw) and that it was making some things better until finally after almost a year everything seems fine...

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: gay



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Most things can be undone

1.Im 15 and have been badly addicted to drugs..i still crave them.
2.I know alot of bad secrets that i shouldnt know.It has messed my head up.
3.I am smart and always do well in school,i just want to do good in my exams and get away from everyone in this small town.
4.I think i fell in love over winter time i was with someone for 5 months and was sensible because i really liked him. I ended it,i dont know why..i just wanted excitment. Now we are both as messed up as before..it makes me sad.
5.I watched a drug dealer that i was having a relationship with have a stroke,it still haunts me to think about it. he ruined my life and now my then bestfriend is with him and he told me it was just to make me jelous. i still worry about him and i dont know why. i wish i could turn back time or make him see what he has done to me.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: n/a


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Probably so

1. I dont tust my b/f at all. Its always something...just when I do feel like I can trust again something always happens. He knows I dont like certain things but he secretly continues behind my back. I guess he thinks Im pretty retarded because I dont know. But the jokes on u baby boy. Or is it on me for staying... hmmm
2. I believe I deserve better, hell I no I deserve better but I love him. I have worked so hard for our relationship...
3. Sometimes I feel so alone
4. I have so much built in anger and frustration from life and everything else. But i continue to smile like theres nothing wrong.
5. I think im mentally depressed.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Better than acting like you're ugly

1.) I was molested from ages 4 to 12 and I have blocked out so much of it I don't remember a lot of my childhood.
2.) I am bisexual and I have a boyfriend. We have been together for three years and for thr past few months i've been wanting to cheat in him with a girl but I could never cheat on hum because I love him so much.
3.) I think I am crazy. I am 19 and I will throw myself on the ground and scream my head off. I even slam my head againts walls when In super depressed.
4.) I think if me and my boyfriend ever broke up, that I would never find anyone else and would grow old and alone.
5.) I'm not pretty but for some reason I feel pretty and act like I'm all that but when I look at myself in the mirror I'm discusted and I don't know why I act like I am pretty.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual


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And they have penises!

1 i messed around with another guy it was an in the moment type of thing.. but I shouldnt have done it because I have a boyfriend. Im playing myself into acting like it never happened. I havent told a soul...

2 ii don't really feel too bad about the first secret because we just used our hands, no kissing on the lips or sex and i think that now me and my bf are even cuz I feel like he had something to hide before. Karmas a bitch


3 I say I'm going to certain places when really I just want to get away from everyone at home and sit in my car in a random parking lot and listen to music and think of random things; its nice to lose track of time with yourself especially when no one knows where you are.

4 sometimes I wish I was a guy because I feel like everything is so much easier forthem. But thank the lord I'm a woman so I can have children. I know I'm gonna be a great mom

5. When things dont go my way I freak out and have a mini break down inside myself. I silently go ballistic...

Gender: n/a
Sexual Orientation: bisexual



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Blade

Numero uno- I've been masturbating since I was 8 & think that is why I have such a hyper sex drive.
Numero dos- I lost my virginity at 15 & was never sexually satisfied, I started masturbating instead, sometimes 6x a day..until I met my current bf.
Numero tres- Knife play is really erotic & I want to do it more often..mm a sharp blade trickling down every inch of my body :)
Numero quatro- My parents think I'm a failure & have constantly put me down since before I could even talk. My dad used to beat the shit out of me if I fucked up. 1 time my mother say by as he repeatedly kicked me in the back when I was laying on the floor watching tv. He didn't stop until I ran 2 my room. My mother has no recollection of this event.
Numero cinco- I have low self esteem which effects almost every aspect of my life. Binge eating, starvation, isolationism, depression, & wanting 2 be obliterated beyond comprehension are starting to consume my life. I just don't know how to make it stop.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Will you or won't you

1. I have insomnia and depression but I refuse to take anything for fear of looking weak.
2. I like when random people hit on my cuz I makes me feel attractive.
3. I have sex with people just to see if they will
4. I was the most confident person I knew until I met the guy I'm in love with who wants nothing to do with me.
5. I'm in love with a guy who uses me and I still continue to follow him around cuz I tell myself atleast I have him

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: bisexual


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Living in a sad world

1) I have the herpes STD from my ex
2) I will never be good enough for anyone to be with.
3) I have very bad bipolar.
4) I lie and manipulate everyone I know just to get whatever I want.
5) I hate my life more than anything.. I wish I could have the guts to actually end It..

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual


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Cat scratch fever

1) I'm the strong one in my relationship.. or at least i try to be

2) i dont tell my bf that i have dug my keys into my hand because i'm trying to stop cutting.

3) today i grabbed my dad's knife from his room and cut my arms to make it look like cat scratches

4) I dont know how long i can stay strong before i seriously crack. i'm already on anti-depressents and those only help so well. i was suicidal and still cutting pretty heavily when i was on them

5) Ever since i got back with my ex, its been all the same. i'm happy to be with him, but we worry about eachother all the time also. we're fucked up in the head

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Big changes are coming

1I'm ready to leave my wife.
2I'm ready to quit my job were I've worked so hard to get to the position I'm in.
3I'm stressed but hide it very well. I'm exhausted and can't sleep. Depression is starting to get the best of me. I'm trying hard not to crack.
4I feel like I've let myself down by not thinking about certain life changing decisions before diciding on them.
5The only thing that makes me happy is the girl I've been talking to. She understands and knows how to treat a guy. My wife doesn't. Its been a rough few years for us and I think we'd both be happier with someone else. I haven't been the best husband either. My job keeps me traveling a lot and I'm in a different city every week. And the obvious... I'm cheating.  I just want us to be happy.

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: straight


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Hey..
1) I feel very ugly and fat. Eh who am I kidding, I am. For real, I am. I'm around 180 pounds, 5'15, and I have acne. Cause of this, I've always rather stay home and not hang out with friends. I hate shopping. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate making new friends. But friends think I am those who cares type probably because I'm 'happy' all the time. I act like I'm happy but I ain't.. anyways, I was over 200 pounds last year. I've decided to change. I lost arnd 20+ pounds. Nevertheless, I don't see any difference at all! :( I feel like givingggggg up to be honest. Like ugh, its hard. I really wanna love the way I look for once in my life!!(I'm 17+) when I see my pretty and hot friends, I'm like, fml. Oh and I went for checkup for my face, my parents agreed to help me pay for the pills and treatment. I really can't wait, I'm just scared that I won't look good. I'm scared eventho I go jogging and stop eating much, I won't get to lose weight. Like, waste of time and effort..
2) linked to the previous secret, I think I'm going thru depression. I get angry at the littlest things and I cry randomly all the time. I have thoughts of suicide. Like when I'm mad or sad, I imagine myself hurting myself. Okay maybe not suicide, but hurt myself, sometimes others. Sometimes I feel like punching someones face, till it bleeds. Is this all symptoms of depression tho? Cause Idk what to do?
3) okay link to the second secret.. one of the reason I'm sad and always mad is cause my mom.. she.. just no comments. I mean she's nice and all. I can't say she's the worst mother but I can't say she's the best mom either. She's manipulative, she makes up stories to my dad about us(sis), she tells us a different opinion and agrees with us but when we're with our dad, she'll just disagree with us and twist all stories and change her opinion. She calls us ugly, fat, devil, worthless, pig, and many more. She is just hard to deal with. But I just gotta suck it up and wait.
4) Another reason why I'm sad is well, because of this guy. Its just impossible for us to be together(long distance, religion & belief) but I like him a lot. He likes me a lot too. But I just can't. Tried to tell him to stop talking as much, but he wouldn't let me go. Its just nearly impossible for us to be together. I'm trying to talk lesser and lesser to him tho'. But I'm failing :(.
5) I always have thoughts of my parents passing away. Like, out of a sudden, my dad has a heartattack or my mom like get into an accident. Scares me sometimes. Feel like a freak. Hah.

Thanks for reading. I assure you, all of them are secrets and I didn't tell anyone about it. Take care. Heh.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation:straight

[For readers other than the OP, there was a private note at the end requesting advice & expressing doubt that I would want to provide it. Rest assured that I don't mind providing advice but also keep in mind, everyone, that I am not a mental health professional. I'm just a chick with a website, and I feel like most of the advice I give is actually sort of repetitive, so please don't expect miracles! I can only tell you what I would do in the same situation. Also, it DOES take more time than just posting stuff and as always, I'm doing this for all-but-free. It's sweet that ya'all send me notes saying you love me and want to take me out if I ever come to X place that's 2000 miles away from me, but it does me a lot more good when you buy the pro iPhone or Android apps or send a donation (even a tiny one!) and seriously, that stuff ALWAYS makes my day. I'm just sayin.

To the poster: Congratulations on your weight loss. I know it can be frustrating to not see results as quickly as you would like, but please rest assured that 20 pounds makes a HUGE difference even if you can't see it. Keep it up and try not to get frustrated. Also, keep in mind that even if you reach your goal weight, you still might not feel beautiful. There are plenty of not-exactly-skinny women out there who feel great about themselves in spite of what fashion magazines and media lead us to believe is the only possible standard of beauty. I'm a curvy woman myself and I have to tell you that there are a LOT of men out there, maybe even a majority, who love a curvy lady.

If you think you're depressed, you probably are. If you can, seek out a therapist -- I know it can be scary but therapy REALLY does help. Depression is in many ways a natural result of a lot of modern societal trends and learning how to cope with everyday life without letting it get you down is a skill that will last you forever. I do all kinds of things to keep myself positive and every little bit helps.

Sounds like your mom is pretty wrapped up in some negative thought patterns herself. I know it's hard but try not to take it too seriously. Usually when people are mean and manipulative they are actually trying to make themselves feel better in one way or another, and it's sad. Don't let her turn you into the same person and remember that each and every one of us can make a positive difference in the world just by treating others with compassion and respect!

As for the guy, sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you should probably cut him loose. If you know you can't be with him and it's only making you sad, you're wasting emotional energy on him that you could otherwise be spending on someone who CAN make you happy and be with you. For me in situations like that, cold turkey is pretty much all that works. Explain to him why you need some distance and then STOP talking to him, period, no exceptions. Maybe some day you will feel like you can handle it but for me, the urge to reconnect usually fades surprisingly fast. There are other fish in the sea.

As far as random fears of losing your parents -- that sort of thing happens to all of us. Try to focus on more positive things and whenever one of those scary thoughts hits you, remember that it's just a thought, and that doesn't make it any more real or valid than any other fantasy. Good luck.

K]


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So try to make it up to him

1) I had a mental breakdown about a year ago and during that time I accused my husband of cheating repeatedly.  I know he didn't but I was so insecure with myself at that time that I took it out on him.

2)  I've hurt my husband so bad that he has emotionally and physically distanced himself from me. I regret everything that I done to him during that time and cry almost everyday from the regret, and the way I hurt him.

3)  Im thinking the only way to solve this is to let him go so that he may be happy even if I'm not with him. I only want him to be happy and not stuck with someone who he has been hurt and let down by. Maybe his next girlfriend or wife can give him the love and happiness that I was unable to and the children he's always wanted that I couldn't give him either.

4)  ever since this incident I have felt more alone than when I was single and working and had no friends.

5)  If he did choose to leave I would not continue on in this world. I would just end my life. I would rather be miserable and feel alone and cry and be unloved in my marriage with him then not have him at all in my life. He means everything to me and I can't live without him.


Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: bisexual



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Pretending is half the battle

-I'm straight and love girls, evrything about them... however that ddnt stop me from giving a bj hrs ago
-id do it again
- I don't believe tue type of thoughts I have are normal, actually quite opposite
-im a big tough guy but only I no I'm a coward
- I'm lost n evry way possible but I pretend everythings all good

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: straight


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If you like her, who cares?

1. So I'm about to start dating this girl..that I'm afraid to be seeen with in public... she isn't
That bad looking..I just know my friends are gonna be like WTF?

2. I just thought about acting like I'm insane or something...but I don't think getting sent away or something will help my real problems...

3. I hate my job...my big bosses talk about teamwork and fainess..and etc...but they really don't give a fuck.
They stress about $$$$...but have enough money to take company trips.

4.I'm a lesbian...I've known since 6th grade but I've been...having little crushes on white boys.

5. I've posted here before this last one is like an update* so I've been talking to my FWB for about 6 months now..and I fell for her hard...but she isn't ready for a
Relationship...and it kills me because I would do anything to have one chance with her...

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: gay



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Might be a good thing to tell mom

1.   I am sick of lostening to my best friend complain about her life. It gets so annoying but I couldn't tell her that..

2.   I might be pregnant...I'm 17.

3.   I have ocd.

4.   I wish I were anorexic but I like food too much. I just want to be skinny so bad!

5.   I don't like the way my stepdad looks at me and talks to me when my mom isn't around. I am scared he is going to try something!

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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Prom date blues

1) the guy I had a thing with for a while went back go his ex, I think I'm still inlove with him

2) ^ we completely don't talk anymore and I miss that alot

3) I feel like I should be out living up my teenage years but I don't wanna disappoint my parents or so anything I'll regret

4) I miss my cheerful self I feel like I constantly over think everything and worry way to much, which is making myself some what depressed

5) I'm terrified for my cousin and I'm afraid no ones going to ask me to prom ~

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight



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