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Thursday, April 15, 2010

There's no place like home

I just found out my ex is going to be a father. I was supposed to be the mother of his children, but I ended up with a husband I don't love anymore. And I love my son, but my ex would have been a better dad to him.

I constantly feel like I'm at least 30. And I haven't even reached 20 yet. It's all the stress of my marriage. Every time I see a woman in a wedding gown I have to refrain from crying. I know I made the wrong choice.

I despise myself. I used to be bulimic and every day I get closer. I just keep trying to convince myself that everything would magically be better after I stuck my finger down the back of my throat.

I wish that I was making more money so that I could leave my husband. Only a few more months, and he has no idea. I'm just going to start a fight and manipulate it so that he's wrong and I have an excuse to leave.

I want to paint my walls with the most abstract imaginative things, just so I would feel like I'm not really in my home.

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