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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Next time please use punctuation. Posting this took forever.

1 I'm say I'm bi but I think I know where my heart wants to be. I'm a woman who loves women. I was always attracted with women. I had my first kiss in first grade playing young and the restless and I liked it I always was attracted to girls but felt alone, then it was a crime, damn near. now everyone is open I'm so stuck on what's right and wrong what the world says so I keep it in my pocket called denial

2. I remember my life being hard besides the bruises and busted lips, whips on my skin from cords, bats, anything my mom could use. she scared my heart I had no realtionship with her what so ever. she told me she hates me, I ain't gonna be shit, she wish she never had me. I wasn't loved at all. then my cousin molested me, my stepfather molested me, made me do things to my mothers boyfriend. I felt I was trash so I stoop low as low as my mom made me to be. I hated her, i hated men, I started having sex at 13 to kill my pain. I was confused but I allow them to have their way with me, use me, do what you want, I made it worst when I carried the name ho around the school because I did it to ten nigggas at once. I tried to kill myself god didn't allow it.

3. I still struggled with men of course but in the back of my head I wanted a girlfriend. I only like lesbian pornos. I tried to make loving men work. suprisingly down the line I found one after all the hell I been through I was blessed with wonderful kids. I love them. I'm raising them diffrenet than my mom raised me. they won't be disfunctional like i was. I still battle my emotions

4. I found a man, have a good one. me loving women seems to haunt me I try not to like it. the more I do I want it more. I have more than one woman. I told myself it will be just for pleasure but at this moment I want a realtionship with one. my man knows I love women, not how much. he hates it, always telling me what not to do. he is soo good to me, the only one I'm comfortable letting him get inside me but the like of dick I had left is fading now. I just don't want to hurt him I tried to leave but I can't let him go but the sex isn't there no more. I turn my heaad when he wants a kiss I don't like suucking dick like I love kissing pussy

5. I'm waiting for the right woman to sweep me away before I make my change so I settle for what I've got and just be bi. truth is I wanna marry a woman. I seem to trust them more intimately and emotionally. I just wanna be me but don't wanna raise my youngens around that type life until they get old enough to understand. I was in love with my best friend we used to have sex often. I love her touch more than my man. her kiss as well. I'm still in love with her but still searching. depression still haunts me but I learned to be strong in most areas. I'm living loving life better than I used to. in spite of my confusion no one's perfect or we would all be in heaven. I got more secrets to come its amusing how much the human body can hold we are strong but we don't know it.

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