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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Your mom is lucky to have you

1. I have a condition called PCOS that causes me to be over weight and grow facial and body hair like a man from the over production of testosterone. I have to shave my face everyday and wear a ton of make-up or you'd be able to see the dark shade on my cheeks, upper lip and jaw line. Because of the condition I don't stay the night at my new boyfriends who doesn't know because it's so embarrasing and I break down crying when I talk about... kind of like right now... I wish I could get laser hair removal but I don't have any money and have been turned down for many loans.

2. My room is a disaster. It looks like I could be a hoarder. I have so many clothes but only wear less then a quarter of them.

3. I love the summers in Arizona but hate how the heat brings the bugs inside. I've killed 2 roaches in my room and don't want to turn off the light.

4. I cried when I was picking out a Mothers Day card. I love my mom more then life itself but I'm the middle of four and the only one she abused after my parents got a divorce when I was 4 (I'm 20 now). I'm the only one who does anything or helps her when she needs it and it even upsets me at how my siblings treat her. My shrink thinks she abused me because I was my dad's favorite and she resented me for it.

5. And just like a lot of the people on here I think about suicide. I tried with pills but just threw them all up. I tried drinking but just threw up. Then when I was 16 I tried cutting and it almost worked until I was taken to the hospital by my sister. One one hand I want to kill myself and on the other I want to be a nurse to help people.

1 comment:

  1. I also suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Actually I don't suffer anymore. I can relate to everything you said in number one. I have to shave my face on a daily basis as well. Even if I do this in the morning, by the end of the day it feel like a man's 3 day stubble. I hate it. Always have. However, I have lost 100 pounds over the past couple years. That has boosted my self esteem and made it so much easier to talk about my biggest insecurity (facial hair). I will tell you from personal experience, there are men out there that are going to love you for who you are. You are beautiful to someone and they don't care what you have on your face. My boyfriend knows I take care of myself. I use to be real sketchy about him touching my face, but not anymore. He is the first man that I have allowed to touch my face since I was in high school. It feels great. Much more intimate and close. I know he loves me no matter what. Also, it doesn't matter how bad it looks to you, it NEVER looks that bad to everyone else. :)

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