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Monday, June 21, 2010

In love with an addict

1. I cannot stand the fact that he only wants me when he isnt stable enough to remember his age, He says his true feelings come out when you are hyped up on ecstacy, pot and loads of alcohol but I hate that Someone can only like me in that state of mind.

2. I want him so bad... He is a mental case he has no where to live and he has a major E addiction and other things but im beginning to think I love him.. I can't help it that he doesnt want me and tells me when he thinks other girls are cute and hot even though he knows it makes me jealous

3. I told him i hated him after the first time we met but the truth is.. i could never hate him. even though all i can seem to recognize is him fucking me over. I cryed infront of him, he held my hand and was there for me. he said he would sit and talk with me but left and played cod then when he said he would take a walk with me he left with his friend.

4. I want to spend the night of him. When he was on his drugs him and I layed in a strangers backyard and cuddled.. I layed on him and felt/listened to his heartbeat against my ear. It was so fast and i just wanted him to tlk to me and relax. What he said to me was so sweet but he didnt mean it. and he never will...

5. Id give anything to have a night with him again but him be able to looks me in the eyes and say what he did to me that night but when he is sober.. but that will never happen. im just a good time. I wont ever be anything more to him. I know the only reason he doesnt completely treat me like shit is so he doesnt have to leave.. But he had nowhere to go and im scared for him. Tonight i am crying every 15 minutes.

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