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No second chances

1) I am madly in love with my boyfriend but I worry everyday he is cheating on me. I know he loves and cares about me but I worry constantly that if he's not in my sight, he's cheating.
2) I've loved my current boyfriend since I was 14. I wished for us to be dating and watched his choose everyone but me for years. He cheated on his girlfriends for me many times and I never cared even when his girlfriend was someone I was really good friends with.
3) I enjoy having sex but sometimes I wish I could have a little more fun. There is so much more exploring my boyfriend and I could do and I want to feel more satisfied.
4) I don't know if I know how to truly feel happy. It seems like its been so long since I've ever felt happy its ridiculous. I wonder if I will ever feel a sense of happiness again.
5) I lose a lot of my friends and hate it. I don't like to take them back as friends though even if they apologize because some people especially the ones who walk out of your life, don't deserve second chances.

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