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Friday, July 16, 2010

A beautiful prison

- I married my husband because it was convenient. I love him because he is a good man but I'm not in love with him. Its as if I created a beautiful prison for myself

-I cheat on my hubby and feel not only guilty but extremely pleased with myself that I can manipulate other men into loving me for my entertainment

-I have had multiple abortions. I want children but am afraid that I may only want them for a short while before I resent the added bars they've added to my 'prison'

-I think I may have mental/emotional issues because of my inability to actually feel anything, its as if I watch my life like its a movie... not a reality

-everyone believes I'm a caring, loving, wholesome person. If any of them knew half of what I've done or how I truly view them and this world, they'd hate me. For brief moments of clarity, I hate me before I go back to relishing my conquests and loving myself

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