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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Blank

1. I lie all the time to my family and friends. I have done this for my entire life. I'm so good at it, I never get caught. I used to feel incredibly guilty, to the point of tears, but now I don't...and that bothers me even more.
2. Guilt is not the only emotion I think I'm lacking. I am afraid ALL of my emotions are stunted, and I don't feel things at all the way other people do. I can act like I'm really happy for someone, when inside I feel nothing. I can cry for someone, when inside I feel nothing. In fact, I always seem to feel nothing, and I think I'm abnormal when I read the posts here and everyone FEELS so much.
3. People think I am so kind and caring, that I am the BEST friend, but I really don't care that much... it's fake, like everything else about me. If intentions count, then I'm good, because I truly WANT to be the person I pretend to be, compassionate and full of love for everyone, but inside I'm blank. I hate me.
4. If I don't force myself to get up and do something, I will lay around the house all day long, and sleep and sleep. As soon as everyone's gone, I head straight for my bed and sleep. The best orgasms of my life are while I'm sleeping- I have these crazy sexy dreams and I didn't think girls could come in their sleep, but I do. I wonder if I'm the only one? I'd rather sleep than do anything else, and that's pretty fucked up, I can see that.
5. I'm afraid there is no one else like me, that I am so abnormal... I wish if there was someone else that they would say so to me, because I hate being this way and wondering why everyone else is so human, and I have to pretend to be.


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1 comment:

  1. wow, admin, thank you for the abnormal link to not having emotions. I've read it twice, and it made me feel better, that this is a THING...that I'm not the only one... counseling... hmm

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