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Friday, August 27, 2010

Cockne


1. I've never had sex, I had acne on my penis, which was cleared by the doctor, and is apparently normal? Although an uncommon occurance. The one time I got over it I was too wide to fit. Although I let my friends and family believe otherwise. I'm 19, almost 20
2. I think I'm going crazy and often refer to myself by my first and middle name, and have two different sides of myself I associate with them. I'm afraid to see a psychiatrist because of what I might find out. Aside from that I'm quite sure I'm bipolar depressive.
3. I find the need for attention even if it means lying about stupid things like what I did over the weekend or had for lunch. Almost anything to make myself seem more interesting.
4. I constantly compare myself to those around me, and if I feel like I'm better than you, then you are worthless as I feel the same about others opinion of me. (There's really only one person I feel that way about and its my older sister)
5. I think I enjoy being miserable at times because it is the strongest emotion I can feel. I try to make jokes to laugh a bit and do, but nothing compares to how much anguish I can experience through being miserable at times. I found this out through my last break up over 4 years ago. Where my entire highschool and family got involved, I thought about suicide but couldn't pull it off because I didn't want my parents to go crazy. I guess I'm just unhappily happy, but I also hate it which is quite a paradox.
I'm also in the military, and proof read this message atleast twice.
Cascade_Bruins09@Yahoo.com

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