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Saturday, August 7, 2010

Hard ons happen


I am a really shy person. I have friends and I'm able to joke around with them, but I never talk to them about whats going on within my life. It's really hard to open up to someone you've known for years, for me, I am a lot more comfortable talking to strangers and giving bits of my life. Maybe it's because they won't judge me on the spot... or the fact that I'll never see them again.

When I was younger I was in Mexico with my family. There was this cousin, about 15/16, who I was cool with. One night I went to hang out with him in his room and asked me if I wanted to watch a video. I said yes, and he puts on porn. I was curious to all the things I was seeing and after wards I began masturbating, I was 10.

I began to get really horny ever since I was 13, things is with me I would be sitting paying attention in class and I would get hard. This would happen 6-8 times a day. Most of the time I was not even thinking of anything sexual. It was very embarrassing trying to get up and "trying" to cover myself with my bookbag or my jacket. And it has affected my past relationships, with that I mean I couldn't hold or hug my gf without me getting quickly aroused.

I am able to only express myself through my poetry, I started when I was in junior year of H.S. Its a shame, really, that to the people who are my friends and family will never know I how I view the world. That I truly love the people I'm close with and with some sense despise the world for what it has become...I absorb life through pictures... To me my poems are a diary, I've changed so much since I was young lad and so has my style of writing. In the beginning I focused on the negative things around me, once in a while I would write something positive. Now, I've seen that my life is not about suffering, I CAN BE HAPPY and I AM HAPPY. Life can be fucked up when your young, kids, but trust me once you get past a certain age, you realize how stupid it is to care about what others think of you. Its common knowledge but it seems like many don't understand that.

Thank K, for letting us find a window where we can smile and not feel alone. I read it every day on my phone. I'm glad I had the strength today to finally post my 5 secrets...well not really so here is the last one: My dad hit a lady with his car with me and my older brother about 10 years ago, she got up quickly after the hit and started to walk away. It was a very scary moment and since it was in broad daylight many people were accusing my dad that he purposely did it, luckily when the cops came they let my dad go since it was revealed that she took a large dose of meds and in fact she was a junkie...so it was both my dad's and her fault. He was speeding.   


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