Shrinks aren't as scary as you think

I'm scared the guy I deeply love chose the wrongg choice when he was forced to choose between me and the girl he was currently with as a rebound

Ill never know if he chose me because he really loved me or because he just wanted me to stop crying.

I never feel good enough because he keeps talking about his ex.

I'm scared he will find better and move on. The past two girlfriends he has been with he has left because he found someone better. 

I think about killing myself and death over 4 or 5 times a day. I wanna cut myself so deep and watch it bleed just to feel the pain and to have a scar with meaning.. I cnt stand when people lecture me though and try to correct me. I freak out and am self concious someone will see the scar. Even though I want to see a shrink sooo bad just to see what wrong with me. I'm scared I'm going to be crazy when I'm older and never be satisfied or happy...

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