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Friday, August 6, 2010

Sometimes it's not fine


1.  There are 4 other people that live in my home, but I feel completely alone.
2.  No one has a clue how deep my pain runs.  I hide it well, and no one bothers to look beyond the surface.
3.  I have a few close friends, but none of them care enough to learn what's in my heart.  They believe the stories I tell everyone else about how "fine" I am.
4.  I would never consider suicide, but I don't want to be around the people I know any more.  After 1 more year my daughter will be out of high school and I can leave everyone else behind.
5.  I haven't been on a date in 25 years.  I've been a widow for 16 months and have no idea how to meet someone new.  I'm sure that's part of my depression issues.


[Admin here: I once moved out of state to be with someone and within weeks of my arrival, I found out a whole lot of things that left me no option but to cut ties. I was left completely alone hundreds of miles from everyone and every thing I had known. I did a lot of stuff to try to meet new people, but the friendships that lasted all came from going out and doing things that I was interested in for myself -- I joined a social/political group, volunteered for a local music festival, and looked around for others who were restlessly alone (and non-scary) at every restaurant, book store, and event. It took a while to get used to striking up so many conversations with strangers, but I found that other than being a little surprised initially, most strangers are indeed nicer than mom ever would have lead me to believe. I didn't find someone else right away, but I made new friends and it passed the time until someone did come along. Good luck. --K]

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