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Lonely is not forever

1. I am very lonely and fear being this way for the rest of my life. Though no one would ever know as I have perfected acting like I am happy in front of others.
2. I have tried several times in my life to commit suicide, though I have not physically tried for a long time (3yrs), it still occasionally comes back in my thoughts. I have to fight those thoughts off as it is the last thing I would want to do to myself or family, I have seen how life can change for the better many times.
3. I masturbate just about every day. I still think about a few of my ex gf's fucking me. I miss not having a gf.
4. I am really turned on with watching girlfriends get fucked by other men. I've watched a few of my ex's get fucked, then we would go home and I would fuck her hot wet used pussy all night.
5. I hate my job and spend 1/2 my day doing anything but work.

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