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Self imposed scarlet letter

1- I got involved with a married man and feel disgusted with myself. I cannot move forward from that and think I would never. I'm afraid my close relatives would find out. I am scared to meet new people fearing they might find out. 

2- I avoid most of my family because they annoy me. 

3- I put my foot in my mouth today that makes me feel like shit to my team members. 

4- I worry too much about what other think so I dont do things I want to do. 

5- Sometimes I wish I did not exist.

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