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The soon to be good son

1. Im an asshole to every girl i get. I treat them all liked shit and i cheat on them because i always find a girl i "think" is better. I hate that about myself. 
2. I havnt gave a shit about school until 2 weeks ago and im in the 12th grade and might not graduate 
3. Ever since i smoked for the first time my whole life has been one big dream. Nothing feels real so i figure y try at anything. 
4. I am a strong beleiver in the lord but i always go against his commands and im afraid that when the day comes i will not make it into his land. 
5. Im terrified to die. I want to live forever but the only way il live long is if i change and im scarred to change because i don't know how
*extra- im a terrible son. I love my mother soooo much and all she does is love me and get me things but i used to not apreciate the things she does for me i love her so.much and i would be nothing without her. I have done some terrible things and called her names but i think this is where my change starts 

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