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The charming father

Today, my dad said "does your boyfriend know how ugly you are?" We have never gotten along, but I've been trying so hard ... I just want him too show me some love, something I've never gotten & when he said that, I haven't been that hurt in a while. I have very low confidence ):
I feel sad a lot, when I told my boyfriend what my dad said... he laughed... even afer I told him I almost cried, I almost cried again.
I'm the girl, who fakes a smile, & a laugh, so people don't see threw me.. but sometimes I wish, they cared enough too acutally look, & see how fake it is.
I'm starting to think of my brothers girlfriend as a great friend, she's real & honest. & I haven't met someone like that in a while.
I'm addicted to cigs, I'm on the patch. But I cheat & still smoke. So I don't know why I'm trying? Its not going to get me far ..?

Bonus;; I wish one day for me, too be in love, with my boyfriend, I think people think I'm niave, but my boyfriends the one, he's different... & I cheated on him Four times, with 2 diff guys. I don't have the balls too tell him, cause I'm falling for him. Soooo hard, its unbelieveable. I never wannna hurt him, so yano what? Its my secret for now..

Double Bonus;
Dad, I love you. But I hate you as a person, I just wish you could look me in the eye, tell me you love me & hug me. It would make my life.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

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