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Saturday, January 1, 2011

Your mom needs to know

1. I am hopelessly in love with my brothers best friend. He told me he loves me too, but it is impossible for it to work out with the ways things are. He doesn't live here. We both realize this. However stuff happened and we ended up kissing two nights ago. When we both realised what the situation was we both agreed to go back to how it was before that night. And ever since then i haven't been able to stop crying.
2. Through all of this, i hav had a boyfriend, who i have no feelings for in that way. I was his first girlfiend. I wish he would realize how bad i am for him and break up with me. Yet he still doesn't see it, because i haven't told him.
3. I am very sure that i have severe depression. I need medication because i have been like this for as long as i can remember. I can't tell my dad because the last time i told him he freaked out. I can't stand to see him like that, so i have decided to go behind his back and ask my mom for anti depressants. Though so far she has been reluctant to give me any. I may need to use my last resource.
4. There is another guy who really like me and i have told him that he shouldn't and why he shouldn't. He won't give up on me because he cares. I wish he didn't, because it would make me not have to worry about hidinng it so much.
5. Right now, at this very moment, my arms are covored in blood and cuts. not deep enough to harm, but enough that it is constant pain. It is my last coping resource. I am all out now. I hadn't cut for nearly a month, untill two nights ago. The words said by the guy i love have harmed me so much i cut constantly... deeper each time. I worry that i will accidentally kill myself very soon. And by the way... showing my mom the cuts is my last wy to show how badly i feel i need anti depressants. I really dont want to do that.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: n/a



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