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High school isn't forever

1. I have no one to talk to. Not my best friend of 11 years, boyfriend of 1 & 1/2, or even my mom. None of them know how screwed up I feel on the inside. None of them know that I have had continuous thoughts of suicide before. I'm scared to tell them for fear that they will think I'm being overdramatic, not take me seriously, and say that I am overreacting.

2. At school/work/in public I am all smiles. Always happy, always nice. even to people I don't like. But at home I am cruel to the ones I love. I have no idea why, but I wish I could stop.

3.I wish I had more friends. I am jealous of all the normal teenagers I see, out having a good time with tons of friends every weekend. Whereas I am sitting at home or hanging out with family, bestfriend, or boyfriend. It's boring and I am tired of it.

4. My boyfriend had a serious drug problem. I say that I am strong for still being with him, and putting up with, and also supporting him and helping quit. But actually I am weak and stupid for staying with him.

5. He also cheated on me. with one girl the first few eeks we started dating. He says that was the only one but awhile back I read some messages on his old Myspace account that said other wise. I never said a word.

6(EXTRA). I am 17 years old and have had sex with5 guys and sexual relations with a few others. I was only another young girl, desperate for attention and acceptance. I regret all of it more than anything in the world. My freshman year I achieved a horrible reputation. It has stuck with me, although I like to believe it is slowly fading. I am self-conscious about it, and even though it has been over 2 years, I feel like that is the only thing people see and think about when they see me walking through the halls.

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

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1 comment:

  1. Hi, I had a boyfriend who did the same thing, I broke up with many times and took him back every time. It only got worse, and all along he really didn't care what it was doing to me, he said he was sorry, it was the past and I needed to move on and help him change. Well, I tried that and he just cheated again and again and gave me so many excuses. I loved him, didn't want to leave him and thought I could help him, but I've never been more wrong in my life. I almost let him destroy me, don't let your do that to you. You don't need him. You can't even trust, how is that a good relationship?
    And if you need some one to talk to here is my email: . I asure you, your not alone with what your going through, I went through a lot of what you described too...and so have many others.


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