That was graphic

1.  I have an ever-present and very strong desire to eschew society and run off to Alaska to live alone. The only thing stopping me is my son. But I am scared that soon even he won't stop me. I know that if I do ignore my son and leave, that my own guilt will cause me to kill myself once there.

2.  I used to spy on my sister and mother in the bathroom by looking through the heating vent when I was a teen. My dad caught me one time and I stopped. My dad may have told them, i dont know. I still fantasize about fucking both of them.

3.  I told a friend of mine one time, when we were both drinking,  that his 14 year old daughter had the hots for me (she did). He hasn't talked to me since and has told my other friends that I am a child molester. I've never touched her but feel guilty for liking that she liked me.

4.  I continue to collect money from a government agency for a disability that I no longer have.

5.  I find human nature itself to be irritating. The very things that I hate about EVERYONE, I myself possess. I despise myself for this reason as well to the point of wanting to:

- tie a rope around my neck
- tie the other end around a tree
- get into my sebring convertible
- step on the gas and effectively decapitate myself