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Thursday, April 29, 2010

One of the good guys

1) I love and hate my parents. When I was 6 years old, my sister who was 7 at the time and I wanted to sleep over at my cousins house but my dad wouldn't let us for god knows why. But he let my brother stay because he's a boy. In my culture, if you're a boy you get away with everything and you're the most favored. So my sister and I cried because it wasn't fair. My dad dragged us to the car and yelled at us even more saying that "you're not allowed, only your brother. If you don't stop crying I'm going to slit your throat." when we got home we grabbed an orange kitchen knife and took us to the bathroom. He had the knife at our throats saying "I'm going to kill you both for not listening and no one's going to care about you guys" he never did slit our throats but he made us sit in the hallway for time out. When my father left he house we ran down stairs to wake up my sister (she had her headphones on that's why she couldn't hear us) she comforted us. When my mother came back from he store my oldest sister told her. This is the moment that I'll never forget, my mother said to my father, "why didn't you just kill them they're bad kids" I couldn't stop crying when I heard that. I thought my mother would protect us but she didn't.

2) when I was younger (3-7) my girl cousin woud make me do things like undress myself or lay naked on top of her. She would kiss me or make me kiss her and if I didn't do it then we couldn't be friends. So I listened to her because I wanted so badly to be her friend because she had all the cool toys (I never had toys growing up, my family didn't care for that. But I did have a couple of stuffed animals from other family members) I remember another time, my cousin who told me to lay naked with her and anoher cousin who had a younger brother they both tried to make me kiss the younger brother. I kept on saying that I don't want to do any of that because it's wrong. They told me to take off my shirt and told the little boy to take off his pants. So we did. They made us kiss each other. I didn't want to but they were mean. Then my mother came down stairs so they told us to quickly put on our cothes. My mother didn't know. Couple years later my sister and I told my older sister what was going on. She was angery and yelled at my cousins for what they did.

3) when I was 4 or 5, I lived at this town house. We had Neighbour who had a young boy my age. I invited him over one day to play with me. He asked me if I knew how to have sex. I didn't know what that was and said no. He told me that he saw it once and all me have to do is take off our pants and lay on top of each other. So I took off my pants and laid on my bed he then laid on top of me and said that were doing it.
I don't really remember the rest.

4) I once hit my nephew on the head for crying because he wouldn't go to sleep. I was so stressed and fustrated all day from baby sitting them. They were extremely bad that day. So when I saw him in the kitchen I hit him on top off the head ( trust me it wasn't a hard hit) and told him to never come out of bed. I felt so bad for hitting him because he was only 3. I was an abused child (all my siblings were) so I knew how hurtful it is and I did it to my nephew. I felt to horrible for doing that.

5) when I was 10 I started cutting myself because I liked seeing my blood run down. I think I started cutting myself because I was always alone. My family were always doing their own things and never wanted a kid around so I got a blade one day and started cutting. I usde to cut if I was bored angery or sad. I stopped cutting ever since I met my boyfriend. It took me a year to tell him about myself. He is the reason why i am here today. We're still together. We have known each other since we were 10 and he finally asked me out when I was 14 and now we're 22. We both lost it together. We're each other's first love. The sex is OMG amazing. He never raises his voice with me. I really do believe in angels and I think my boyfriend is one.  

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