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Thursday, April 29, 2010

A true friend doesn't judge

1) a couple months ago i found out that the boy i was in love with when i was 14/15 is getting married, i was like "ok whatever, i don't care." we broke up because i thought i wasn't pretty enough for him and that he would find other girls.

2) a couple weeks ago he got in touch with me, now i'm 24 and he just turned 23. it was really nice hearing his voice because we hadn't spoken for 7 years. we started talking and i realized that i miss him and i regret his getting married.

3) he wants me to meet his wife, he wants me to spend a night over at his house and i keep telling him that can never happen. i am happy for him and her cause i know i cannot keep a man but i can't help but wonder what it would have been like if we stayed together.

4) he keeps saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship back then, we were kids and we didn't know anything about love. he keeps making comments about what it would be like to see me and if we could have sex since we didn't all those years ago. i can't believe he says those things but then i remember that's the reason we didn't stay together back then cause i always thought he was a player.

5) i sent him pictures and he says that i got beautiful but to be honest, those pictures were from three years ago when i had lost some weight, right now i look so freaking disgusting that i don't want anyone to see me. i keep hiding in my apartment, not going out with friends and still eating. i gave up everyone thinking they'd judge me at how fat i got. none of my clothes fit me but i keep them saying i'll be motivated to lose the weight but it never happens. you might think i'm exaggerating but i weigh 320 or more, maybe that's why i can't keep a man, and if i have one they wanna hide me.

1 comment:

  1. I don't mean this in a mean way, believe me, but I think you'd have more luck holding on to a guy if you had more confidence. Weight doesn't necessarily matter (yes, some people are shallow, but not everyone), but I can't stress this enough: CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. And if you really are ashamed of the way you are now, the only one who can change that is you: either by changing your attitude to yourself or by losing the weight. You have more control than you think. :)

    Also, I feel your pain re: the boy. Mine's not married (yet), but still...

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