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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Get a babysitter and take her on a surprise date

I secretly plot ways to fool my wife so i can go out. I haven't ever gone past the planning stage. But i really want to. She wants to go out together but we don't trust anyone to watch our kids so we never go anywhere. But i suggested going out separate and she doesn't want to do that. Even though she knows i hate not beimg able to go out.

I think one day i may just say fuck it and go do whatever i want. It's not about other females, just being out of the house. But she don't believe me.

I love my wife dearly but somtimes i hate her. When she lets me be me without arguing i love her for it but when she wants me to do it her way i wanna set her on fire. Mostly because early in our relationship she treated me like shit. But when i finally stood up for myself i really made her feel bad. To the point where i felt bad for making her feel bad. Now i don't know what to do. Every time i say i want to go out we argue and even if i leave we always come back to the same point. We agree to go out together but then we never go out.

I have tried to leave a couple times but she always finds a way to keep me with her. I don't think we will ever be apart. Which is a great thing and also a bad thing. I love her with all my heart. But i also have to ignore who i really want to be in order to keep our life together healthy and happy.

I don't know what to do. Sad thing is i know she will read this and know its me.  But nothing will change. We may argue about it but we will make up and be right back where we left off. Until the next time i get the urge to want to go out and we start all over again. If only i knew what to do...

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