Here'e to hoping you never become famous

1) I think I have a problem...I can't have a decent boyfriend. Every guy I've met for the past five years is either married, dating someone or doesn't want to be in a relationship...at least not a serious one. So it's either I give them sex the first time we meet thinking I can keep them, they come back for more...but its only the sex they want. Or when I say no sex, they say they understand but when we meet for the first time, they leave and never call back.  I was talking to a guy over the phone last week, he told me all these sweet things, we exchanged photos...then we met and it wasn't even 5 minutes and he went running, said he's going home to get something but never came back, never called. I knew he wouldn't come back when he walked away.

2) I tell everyone that I don't need a man but honestly, I crave the love and affection from a man, I wish I could find a decent one. The only decent one I know and love, who loves me back...we can't be together because he has a child and girlfriend in another country.

3) but that same guy does everything for me, he treats me so well, that's why I couldn't help but fall for him even if he's 12 years older than me.

4) I think about him all the time, I go to bed pretending he's next to me and wake up with him on my mind and that's after dreaming of him also. We just had some amazing sex three days ago, it was so amazing that my muscles were hurting two days later. He's the only one I enjoy making love to...only one I actually enjoy sucking his dick...only one I trust to fuck me with no condom. He is such a gentle lover, the love making is like slow dancing.  He's the only one who's eaten me out. Everybody says that he's using me, I keep telling them that its the opposite, he would never ask me for for sex,  I would call him and tell him to come over I'm horny or to come spend the weekend with me but he always refuses, I just jump his bones whenever he comes to see me, is he using me or am I using him? So many other guys would jump at the oppurtunity for me to tell them come I want sex and he knows that, but he's the one I choose everytime and he knows that too.

5) I love sex so much, I wish I could have it everyday but not rough, nice and sweet like this guy. When I spend the night with a guy, he would be the one to refuse me, he would be like "we already did it 3 times, you want more?" I always masturbate because they never satisfy me, started masturbating at 4 after I saw my mom and stepdad having sex. A 12 year old boy rubbed his penis on my vagina when I was 7 but I don't think it got penetrated until I was 17 cause that's when I saw the blood...even though from the age of 7 I made so many boys put their penis in there, I guess it was just rubbing against the clit and I was cumming. It sure felt good at the time.

Bonus* I'm afraid if I become famous a lot of boys would come around and say that we were intimate when we were younger. Most of the time they were really younger than me and I would show them how to put their penis in my vagina and rub it on the clit...and I would threaten and say don't tell anyone it's our little secret. Whenever I was horny I would tell them "let's go do the thing" that was our code. Just thinking back is making me horny right now.