Intoxication and happiness are not the same thing

1. Im only 17 and I don't know how many men I've had sex with. If I had to guess I would say over 60.
2. I just want a man to love me and not hurt or leave me.
3. I've had an abortion because I wanted to party and do drugs, I wanted to have the baby and still do.
4. When I was 14 I was raped and I don't know who he was.
5. Sometimes I wish I could kill myself but I'm too much of a pussy to do it.
 And another thing the only way I'm truly happy is if I'm high on coke or wasted off of alcohol