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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Living a lie

1.) I'm a great out going person, I like to party and have fun with friends like any other normal teenager. My parents started thinking bout devorce since I was 10 and actually separated when I was 12. I started doing bad things behide their back it felt good I felt like I was getting some revenge on most of wat they did to me. I got beat with a belt since I was a little girl till I was 16 years old. My mom started taking out her anger on me left my sister alone but made sure I got my beating offten. I got beat and I would always show up to school with a smile on my face taking straight As on my report card home evrybody thought I had the perfect life and inside I was misarable I just wanted some one to kill me I wanted to kill myself.

2.) I started having suicidal thoughts since the age of 10 I am 18 now. I'm the black sheep of my family cuz I have tattoos and piercings. My thoughts started pretty miled just me saying to myself one of these days I'm going to kill myself, then I started thinking of ways to actually do it. I had to go to a psychologist for anger management pretended that I was ok just so they wouldn't put me on medication. I never told no one I was depressed and I'm such a good actor that evrybody thought I was fine idiots can't they see.... I started by drinking pills then I tryed dinking a poison that only gave my dyharia that was actually funny to me. They I started thinking I'm going to cut my vains it didn't work my parents hid evrything that was sharp around the house. I think they might have thought it was my sis cuz they never said anything. Then one day I tried to drive my car off a cliff and pulled away at the last moment thought it would be kinda expencive to die that way. So one night I started looking for my moms 22 hand gun to shoot myself in the head.

3.) I started having sex at the age of 13 with a 28 year old guy I would do it behind my moms back because I knew she was against pre meratle sex. I would sneek out my window just to go fuck this guy I would even ditch cattcizum to go fool around.I would ditch school and anything I could it felt good to feel affection from an older man. That perv knew how old I was and still fucked me every time.

4.) When I was 14 I had a boyfriend that was 19 I would ditch school to fuck him too. I liked making my mom look like a dumb ass stupid bitch deserves anything that happens to her. I ended up getting pregnant by him.... I lost the baby when I was 1 month pregnant. I couldn't rely on no one to help me. I think I can't have kids any more I've been having sex for so long with out protection and have not gotten pregnant again. I have not told no one bout that lost baby but remains in my mined evry fucken living hell of my idiotic life. Then I broke up with that guy and started fucking his brother to to get revenge that when I was prego he was fucking around with his ex.

5.)I needed to get out of my house bad I didn't want to get beat no more I was tierd. I couldn't take another day of that life. So me and my friends and the brother of my ex made up a lie that I still live today. We told my parents that I was going to move in with him. But that we were going to live with my friends. The reason I had to make that lie is cuz, when ever I tried to leave the house they found me and said they wanted to talk to me, so I left with them. They took me home and beat the fuck out of me and I wasn't heard of for a whole week. I was just recovering from the fucken beating my dad gave me. In the time I lived with my friend me and the brother of my ex stared hooking up again. I fell in love. He did not he ended up giving me a std and I had to return to my parents house I droped out of high school work as a manager in a fast food joint. I have now slept with soo many guys I can't even remeber the guys after 7. I know I am crazy because of all the fucken thoughts I have in my head. I like to use my body to get affection. I hate men I know I like women but I can't  think of never again getting fucked for real. I'm afriad of ending up alone because I feel alone nobody understands wat its like to live in a lie my whole life is a lie.

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