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Monday, June 7, 2010

A losing battle

1. I am a terrible girlfriend. I feel that way at least. I've been with my boyfriend since New Years Eve of 2008.
We never fight, and I think that's the problem. Maybe the perfect stuff is getting old and I WANT to fight about something. Idk. Its getting bad though, ill just sit and wait for him to do somthing even the slightest bit wrong so I can have something to complain about.

2. As much as I love him, he's not the best in bed. I could never put it that way to his face though. The sex is amazing, its the foreplay that's so lacking. He always says we don't have enough time for it to be the way he wants it to be for me. We always have time for me to give him head though, and you better believe its always at least a 30 minute blow job. Then its straight to penetration. Don't get me wrong, I love that part but id like to be touched now and then. We've talked about it but nothing changes.

3. I hate his parents. He is 19 but he is treated as a 14 year old. 10:00 curfew, he can't stay overnight anywhere. Its ridiculous. He can't leave either. They're helping him pay for college and the car he has was given to him and if he leaves they'll take both of those things away.

4.I am addicted to pills. Tramadol, darvacet, aderrall and a few more are my biggest problems. It began as a recreational thing, when some friends would slip me two or three for free. Its past the point where I buy them with extra cash. I got paid two days ago, had over $300 left over after bills and am left with 24 dollars now. I'm starting to become scared for my future.

5. I can't be alone. Period. I still live with my mom and sometimes she will be gone for a few weeks on a job or something. I have to be with someone all the time. Being there alone feels like being the last person on the planet and I can't stand the feeling. I literally get scared and my heart races. Its not scared of robbers or monsters or that normal shit, its just the feeling of being by myself.

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