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Sunday, June 13, 2010

More than meets the eye

1) Although my ex and I got married because I was pregnant and I know that was a bad idea, I still sometimes wonder if maybe I should have tried to work things out with him and stay with him.  I do miss him in a weird kinda way.  I think I miss him for my child's sake cause baby daddy has nothing to do with him.

2) I have cried every day for the past three days off and on simply cause I miss my sister in law.  She thinks I was trying to do something triflin to her and that is not at all true.  I love her way more than she will ever know and I would never do anything to hurt her. I just want her to talk to me so I can explain any misunderstanding.

3) I have started being the biggest bitch to my ex because he has done some really mean and hateful things to me lately.  He told my current boyfriend that I was still fucking him (Not true).  He also sent me a picture of his current fuck partner wearing a jersey I bought him for Christmas and all spread on his bed.  I wasn't mad he was with someone else it just eerks me that he put her in the shirt I bought for him.  Also he called my job and told my boss I was on drugs and that he needed to test me and fire me.  He did all this because I would not answer the phone.  So I started being a bitch.  Secret is, I feel really bad about doing it cause its not who I am.  However, that is the only way he is going to understand LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.  


4) I love my family with all my heart but for some reason I feel like so many of them are pulling away from me lately.  Even my own dad is on my ass all the time.  I just don't get it.  My dad bitches at me about stuff that he knows nothing about.  Today he was telling me that I needed to be nicer to my boyfriend.  My dad doesn't have a clue how I treat him cause we don't go around him all that much.  I called my boyfriend to ask him about it.  He said "Baby if you treated me bad we would talk about it.  You have been nothing but sweet to me."  I was glad to hear that cause I knew it was true but wanted to hear it from him.

5) Although most people see me as hard I am very sensitive.  I hate carrying my feelings on my shoulders.  I cry alot when I know someone is upset with me or someone has hurt my feelings.  No one ever sees this cause it's not very often I cry in front of people.  I like to appear that nothing bothers me.  I do a good job of it most of the time.  Right now I am not doing so great.

P.S.  Jennifer, I love you with all my heart, honey.  I wish that you would call or talk to me somehow.  Its really killing me that you aren't speaking to me.  I wish that you would take the time to talk to me before you guys decide to pick up and move.  I already miss you and you are still in the same town as me.  I am so sorry for saying or doing anything to hurt you. It was never my intention.  I am not that kind of person.  I miss you very much.  Please write or call me.

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