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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Nightmares and fearquakes

1.) I'm scared of everything. Well, not literally everything, but a lot. Like I'm scared of the dark. That's my biggest fear. I'm also scared of rabid dogs. Worms. Of having sex. Of living alone. The Grudge. Change (especially at school. I hate changing classes). And a bunch of other stuff.

2.) Last year, I 'snuck out' with my best friend a lot. I put that in apostrophes because when we did, we only walked about five minutes, then met up with our best guy friends (we are both girls) and hung out right outside their house. We crawled through my window. And we always did it when it was freezing cold.

3.) My best friend from #2 moved away, so, naturally, I got a new best friend. I love her to death. I had a dream about her the other night. I kissed her (VERY passionately) then proceded to eat her out. I liked the dream. Haven't told her about it, yet.

4.) I've been single for a little over a year, now. I don't know why. I'm not ugly, by any means. I wear size zero pants, size small shirts. I'm curvy for a girl of my size. My friends all tell me how jealous they are of my body. I'm sixteen years old. 5'3. I have a lot of friends. But none wanting more. Maybe it's because of secret #1. Or maybe because I lack confidence. Whatever the reason, I HATE being single. I play it off like it doesn't bother me, but in reality, it does. God, it bothers me. :/

5.) I recently started smoking weed. Not like an everyday thing, but maybe like once or twice a month. It really helps with #1, since no one will take me to a shrink/therapist, which I think I need.

BONUS - I have nightmares/weird, off the wall dreams almost every night, and have had them for as long as I can remember. I wake up sweating and panting and afraid to open my eyes, it gets so bad sometimes. I think #1 is taking control. Help! D:

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