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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The one that will never betray you

5) Today my mother packed her things and left, because I haven't been taking my bipolar meds, and she apparently compares me not taking my meds to killing myself. I haven't been taking them because they make me feel sick, and I've been waiting to see my psychiatrist to get a lower dose. The secret is, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive her for doing this, she never even asked why I wasn't taking them. She just counted the pills, jumped to conclusions, and left. From now on I'll doubt her every time she says she loves me, she didn't love me enough to ask one simple question.

4) I feel like my life is missing a large chunk of the love I deserve. My mother left, my father hasn't been a true father in over fifteen years, and most of my friends don't truly care for me. There's maybe three that I can talk to and be taken seriously. I know I deserve better than this, but there's very little I can do about it.

3) I would donate 95% of my belongings to charity if it meant I could come home to a family that isn't so fucked up. (The other 5% is composed of things that have sentimental value, and right now they are what gets me through each day.)

2) When I look at society and what I have now, there's a part of me that wants to say "To hell with you all!", and move to Santa Cruz to sell handmade jewelry by the beach out of a car. The only thing stopping me most times is the fact that I don't have a car, or a driver's license for that matter. The fact that it would greatly disappoint many people in my life, especially my mother who has been encouraging me to go to college there, only makes it more appealing.

1) My dog is my rock. He's got so much personality, and truly does know when I'm hurt. I know I would have killed myself without him. The hardest part about leaving for college in a year will be having to leave him behind. And to everyone who thinks its pathetic that I place so much love and trust in a dog, take it into account that this dog has never betrayed me like my own parents and friends have. Get a dog. You'll see what I mean.

1 comment:

  1. I feel the same way about my dog. I miss him so badly when I'm at uni.

    ReplyDelete

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