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Saturday, July 3, 2010

Anxiety attacks

Me and my sisters got into it real bad last night.  She had said some hurtful things about me to my husband that wasn't called for. I swear i wanted to slap her so bad and kick her butt.  But then there's a part of me that feels bad for her.  We suffer from very bad cases of anxiety and depression.  She's scared to take her meds and she drinks too much.  I take mine and everyone feels that I think I'm better than them.  I don't but they get on my nerves always drinking cussing and looking dumb.  I am the baby sister and they treat me like shit and use me all the time.  I want to stay away from my sisters but then in my mind I feel like i am just being bipolar.  I believe in my heart I am not wrong they just want me down to their low level.  I just want to be happy for my kids and husband and for myself.

I have never drove on a highway before because of my anxiety I get so paralyzed with fear I want to throw up.  I hate myself for it but I am getting better.

I think my husband is going to leave me because of my anxiety.

I try to hide my disorder from my children because I am scared if they worry about me they will have it too.  In my head I know better than that but my anxiety makes me worry so much.

I have gotten so fat lately.  I blame it on my anxiety meds but I really believe I'm just eating too much.  I wanna lose weight but I don't think I can.

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