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Happiness is a lot harder

1- I have been having sex with a total stranger for the past two days.  The guy is not even cute and I can't explain why I said yes.  I guess cause it was there.
2- The guy I had sex with just sent someone else to get him some coke.  I want to do it so bad.  I haven't done coke in like 8 years but I want to hit a small line although I know I shouldnt.
3- It seems that the more I try to do better and not give in to temptation the more the temptation is there.  Sex and drugs.  If I weren't trying to run away from them I wouldn't be able to find either.
4- I am a poor excuse for a woman.  I wish I were more like my sister.  She seems to be perfect.  Although I know this isn't true, it sure seems that way.
5- I am not sure I will ever figure out who I really am if I don't stop some of the things I am doing.  Sex and drugs are not who I really am I just feel comfortable because I know I can get either whenever I want them.

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