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Sunday, July 11, 2010

Not going back to Narnia

Okay so this guy i like is laying asleep in front of me and i really want to just lay next to him and hug him! I cant though because he's straight im at a friends sleepover and there in the room too. I really like it he hugs me and talks random crap about stuff no one actually cares about. Hes so camp and gay but he has no sexual attraction for guys at all! That really depresses me... I think if no one was around i would just lay next to him and hug him 'cause i know he'd hug back but then why should i make it worse for myself?

My ex has told me she loves me but i feel better being out of the closet and i do not want to go back in narnia! Its really awkward when she cries at me because im "the best boyfriend for anyone ever". I was only "the best" because i always felt pratically like a woman anyway...

I wish everyone would read these things and realise its me who writes this yet i've always taken to changing my writing styles and hiding my secrets from my one friend who has this app. I guess i want them to know my feelings but not have me tell them.

I wish like that other woman who posted the other day, that my friends would listen to words of what im listening too. They would know exactly how i feel then. Not like my liberaries big enough...

Sometimes i wish i could be a woman for a day just so i can experience multiple orgasms and the guy i like. I know he wouldn't just go off and do me but i really want to get close to him somehow someday!! Its heart breaking. I feel like i could make him so happy but his sexuality would be the HUGE downfall of it all.

I'm considered to be a "cupid" to my friends because im the one who fixes everyones problems and is not afraid to tell those people who ask for my opinion, the truth. Why tell them they're in the right when they arn't? But i cant even comprehend how to get that guy i like to know how i feel. I want him to know but i dont want it to be awkward... Im 17, living in a rough part of the UK, if i told him and he told the girl hes in love with, who knows what would happen too.

[ i just him to be gay or something so i can prove im his mr right and everything would be nice! :( ]


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