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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Screw red!

So bear with me this might be long lmao...its kind of eerie to know tons of people will read this, strangers who are peering into my life only they're all blind they don't see...but then that's the magic of it right? The fact that you can trust them with anything because they don't know you

1. My cousin lived with me for a while. He taught me how to swim, he took me to the movies and he'd take care of me when my parents were out...he was eleven years older than I was and I trusted him and loved him like the older brother he appeared to be. He molested and sexually abused me when I was ten. It went on for about two three years maybe? My rents were always working on a nine to five basis so during the summer I was basically living in hell. And I can't ever tell them because I mean they loved him and I don't want to hurt them like that. Really what difference would letting their illusions stay do? What's done is done right? And I mean he moved out and stopped so its in the past.

2. I would love to be able to hate my cousin i'd do anything to be able to hate him. I trusted him and he used me like I was worthless and I can't hate him because I think of all the good he's done I think of how he treated me when I was younger I think of what messed up shit he must have gone through to be able to do something like that...and I pity him because to be able to hurt another human being like that well he must have been pretty damn damaged himself.

3. I'm torn between both of my best friends and this one guy. He went out with one of my best friends treated her like a whore, told her he loved her and six months later he goes after our other best friend who mind you was also in love with him. I can't choose between the other because I know both sides and they're both complicated and valid there is no black and white answer to any of it. They're like my sisters so I can't do anything to either of them, I can't pick sides and they well they're both throwing away a ten year friendship over some guy. He doesn't even care that he's hurting them what he likes is the attention and he's admitted it like he's a year older than me so I'm pretty sure a seventeen year old guy should know that he isn't the only person in the world. Needless to say I hate him -.- .

4. I absolutely positively hate the colour red and yes I know that's weird.

5. I kind of tense up when guys hug me guess I'm just kinda scared. Go figure.


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1 comment:

  1. re #2: that is incredibly perceptive/forgiving/understanding (sorry, I'm really not sure what the term is I'm looking for here) of you. You're probably better off without hating him only because it hurts you more than him; however, I'm sure most people wouldn't be able to do that. Kudos.

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