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Friday, July 9, 2010

Working while sleepy

* I can't believe my boss had the nerve to ask me if I would marry someone so that they could get their green card and move to the U.S.  He knows I am a single mother and $10,000 sounds good to someone that is struggling.  Not going to happen.  Marriage is a sacred thing to me.  I won't do that.  Not only did he ask me once and I said no 6 months ago, he is now asking again. I say that I will never get married again.  I sure as hell won't do it that way.  I have to know that I know that I know I am in love before I even think of getting married again.

* If it were not for my boyfriend, I would have to think really hard before saying no about marrying the guy.  However I love my boyfriend very very much and would never do anything like that to him.

* My life is better now than it has been in a long time.  My child and I are doing wonderful and things couldn't be better.  Yet I am completely depressed most of the time.  I don't understand that.  I guess it could be the fact that my body is just tired cause I never sleep. I put on a good face in front of people though.  Everyone thinks things are perfect with me.

* The reason I don't sleep is because I work nights and I have to take care of my child during the day.  So I take alot of medication to keep myself awake during the nights I work.  When I finally have a night at home, I crash and I never want to wake up.

* I really wish that my boyfriend did not work offshore. Although he has been doing that type of work for over ten years and I have only been with him for 4 months,  I hate it. I miss him so much when he leaves and it takes me a week to adjust to him being gone but it does give me time to be me and to be a mother.  I can devote all my time to my child except when I have to work. Doesn't mean I miss him any less.  I do tell him that I miss him but not as much as I really do miss him.  );


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4 comments:

  1. I'd do it- 10,000 is a lot of money to a single mom, like you said. And a boyfriend you've been with for only 4 months isn't a good enough reason not to. 4 years maybe...4 months, oh man, you have barely begun to see his true self yet. I always say it takes 3 months to even start to see the other person as they really are, and not as they want to be seen. Thinking that marriage is sacred is a good enough reason, I guess, but if you don't really think so, then hell, do it! Buy your kid something so awesome that you couldn't ever afford. Or put the money in the bank for your kid's education. And then keep a detailed journal about the whole process, so you can write a book when it's all over! That's what I'd do....

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  2. I so feel Ur pain my dear im so fucking lost when Ur bro leaves ...I think that's why I was drinking ...but guess what I'm doing good here I'm happy ...

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  3. Oh yeah and to my girl again. I am so proud of you for slowing down the drinking. I think you guys will be so much better off having less to fight about. I love you both so very much. :)

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  4. There are many reason I do not choose to marry this guy. The first reason is because marriage is sacred to me and I do not feel I should marry someone just for money. Yeah the money sounds really nice, but I just can't do it. Second, I love my boyfriend very much and although we have only been together for four months I want it to be forever. He is such a wonderful man and loves me like no one ever has before. I could not do anything that may hurt him. Last reason is that the guy, that I do not know, will have to live with me for six months. I don't want some foreign guy living with me and my child. That would put both of us in danger. So that is the reason I choose not to do this.
    My girl, you know I feel your pain as well. Never dreamed it would be like this. I love this man so much but I miss him so much more every time he leaves. Don't tell me it doesn't get easier? :(

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