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Hookups rarely make good relationships

1)okayy so I've been hooking up with a guyy for more than an year noww but he dosent knoww thatt I really feel for himm,likee am always thinkin about him but thenn he is alwayss beingg an asshole nd callin me slutt nd shit.I hate it soo much.we never talk att school only wen were alone,andd he acts totally different wen he's withh his friends..likee he's anotherr person.I really hope he notices that I like himm alott nd we try things out.I really hope hell never forgett me..
2)I cheated on my ex boyfriendd 3times with that guy,nd I don't know if I regret or nott becausee he would always be sayinn that he trusts me nd he's knows that I would never do that too him.I feel so ex nd I are friends noww supposablyy bestfriendss but don't thinkk our friendship will work causee I still havee feelings forr himm a lot of feelings.I caree about himm a lot but I actt likee if I don't wen he is around but really am dyingg to be with himm.I thinkk he believes that I just see him as a friendd noww:(.but I thinkk he is still in love withh his ex idkk but i just feel it.nd hate it so much.I want to get backk withh him so badd.I like himm he brings a smilee on my face wen ever I see himm:/.
3)I did it with two guyss the samee nightt,I feel so badd. Theyy don't knoww well I hope they don't,there friendss.
4)I sometimess wishh I didn't live withh my sisters causee I sometimess I justt hatee themm soo muchh!!likee I gett annoyedd just by lookin at them or listsnin them talkk.
5)my dad passed away nd I miss himm terribly.I think about himm everydayy,thenn my stepdad is locked up and were lossing our housee nd scaredd that were not gonna have nowhere to mom is my hereo I admire herr!I love her so much.

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