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Friday, August 13, 2010

Mom has issues

This morning my mom called me a failure twice to my face for trying to do good in school and trying to focus.

I cryed and am still dying on the inside from her face. How serious she looked killed me and I didn't know anything could hurt so bad.

All she cares about is how I look and how many friends I have. I don't have many so obviously she resents me.

My brother is 19 has no job does drugs nd sells em. He still lives with us nd makes my mom pay is 10 tickets and fights everyday. She has never called him a failure not even behind his back

I just wish I could make her proud enough. My friends moms always talk about how amazing their daughters are nd all they do and my mom doesn't have anything to say about me, I'm seriously considering suicide. Or maybe drugs but drugs will lead to worse why not just be in peace nd let my family be happy...

[Admin here: I had a lot of issues like this with my mom when I was younger -- she was always comparing me to my other siblings, particularly my brother. I felt like nothing I did was ever good enough and it continued to affect my relationship with her until I was in my twenties. I finally confronted her about it when I was around 24 and was shocked to find that she had had no idea how much I was hurt by her insensitive words and harsh criticism. 

She explained that she had been going through a lot of problems as we were growing up (her marriage to my father was not a happy one) and that she often knew at the time that she was just taking it out on me, even though she never said so at the time. She went on to say that she never apologized for any of it because I was such a good kid, she just thought I would somehow know that she didn't mean any of it. We both did a lot of crying during that conversation, but since then our relationship has steadily improved. Parents often don't realize the damage their words and expectations can do until long after the fact if ever at all -- but becoming a parent does not make you a perfect person, unfortunately. Things will get better some day -- in the mean time, try to put your mother's opinions out of your mind and know for YOURSELF that you are doing well by trying to better your life. Drugs and suicide may seem like potential solutions, but in the end either would only make things much, much worse. Hang in there -- some day all of this will make a lot more sense. --Kelly]

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