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To be gone but not forgotten

1. I hate my ex. Simply because she moved away found a new boy friend,loving her life and I'm here alone and pissed. I actually don't hate her at all, I love her more than she knows. I've tried moving on and it never really seems to amount to anything. I don't know if it's because we had the most amazing sex I could ever imagine or the fact we actually had something real behind the sex. Either way I'm here alone in my shell putting on a facade that I'm happy just being friends with her.

2. Whenever I hear a song that reminds me of her I must light up a cig. I have no clue why. It might be my mind trying to slowly kill myself over years of a pack a day habbit.

3. I was sexually molested by a neighbor at the age of 7, he was 16. At the time I didn't know what was going on. I've never told anyone, I've always been to disgusted by it. I wish I could kill that asshole.

4. I've tried to kill myself. I attempted to slit my throat. I didn't go deep enough. I called my ex (the one from secret 1) crying,bleeding alll over she called 911 from a different state. It never scarred. I'm glad it never did. Now I came to terms that its not worth killing yourself over.

5. I'm a huge compulsive liar. And its not about big stuff its only slight details about shit that doesn't matter, stuff I wouldn't even get in trouble for. I can't stop.

Bonus. My worst fear is when I die I won't be remebered at all. It just scares me. I want people to be jelous of my relatives for just being related to me.

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