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Brain melt is no fun

no one really knows the ones they love..if you knew everything they thought id bet you'd wish that they'd just shut up..

I have anxiety/panic disorder..I'm ashamed of it and I hate it.. 
it makes me think the most retarded shit,that I know isn't really going to happen.. then I proceed to freak out and have a panic attack.. it makes me feel really pathetic.. i feel really bad for having it also.. its the only thing that interferes with mine and my girls (I'm female btw) amazing relationship.. i dont think we would have any problems if i didnt have such bad anxiety.. 

I am convinced that the girl im with is my soulmate... i know she is the way everything happened how everything feels i just know it.. im almost positive she feels the same way.. i havent been able to tell her.. she tells me to be patient. and that she has something really important to tell me befor.. but she promises its not bad. and i beleive her.. shes just not quite ready and i totally understand. i can be patient. 

i have this weird fetish. but i dont think i could ever act on it. just thinking about it turns me on though.. ha

i fear im becoming OCD and one day ill have no controll over my anxiety. and it will take over my life.. which makes me feel even more anxious.. i swear its like a vicious cycle..and it makes my brain want to melt..

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