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Custody battled to the death

* I am headed to court for the 4th time with my son's father. He insist on taking me every six months to try to gain custody and he loses every time.   I try to make people think this doesn't bother me but I am scared to death. I think I am failing my son because I can't stop this maddness from happening twice a year. 
* My child is very well taken care of and he is my life.  He has everything he needs and most of what he wants. Yet I still feel like I am not doing good enough for him. I constantly feel that there are things I could be doing different or better to make him have a better life. I want to be the best mother I can be and I don't ever want him to look back as an adult and think there were things his mother could have done to make him a better person that I didn't do. 
* My ex husband doesn't want anything to do with our child. Although he is able to get our child every other weekend he chooses not to. His parents do visit our child once every six months, if that. I hate him for that. I wish he were more of a part of our child's life. If he had been I may not have moved to another city. I needed more help with our child than what he was offering. Only seeing our child once in six months gave me every right to move so that I was able to be in a location that offered the help I needed.
* I now have lots of family and friend support when it comes to my child. He is in a wonderful school and doing very good. If his father would stop fighting against me and start working with me things would be so much easier. Some times I think we would be better off if my ex husband would just drop off the face of the Earth. I know that my son would love to have the regular visits with him but instead he spends all his spare time fighting with me in court.  
* Truthfully I think it is not my ex husband that keeps wanting to go to court for custody, but rather his mother that wants to take my child away. Maybe she feels she didn't raise her children right and she wants to do it again at 70 something years old. Yeah right. Also his whole family is OCD and I think they have issues with the cleanliness of my house. My house is always clean. I may not have the best car, the best furniture, the best of everything like they do, but I have love that I give to my son daily. I dont have as much money as they do (to pay for lawyers) but outcome is going to be the same (I will still have full custody).  My son is doing good and being taken care of in every way a human needs. 
Bonus: I am still SCARED TO DEATH. Not sure why. I always examine my life and wonder if there is any little thing at all they could use against me. I am sure I do not do everything according to the book but I love my son and that will never change. He is first and foremost in my life. All I can do is pray that I don't lose my sanity in the process each time. 

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