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Friday, September 3, 2010

Dreams do come true, I hope.


1. I'm still in love with my ex. We broke up about a month ago. He's going to serve our country and be away for a very long time so we decided to split up. I still wanted to make it work. I thought we would be able to do long-distance, i guess not. I think I drove him away. I was too selfish all the time always wanting to be with him always wanting to hang out with him and when he wouldn't I would get mad at him. Dumb, i know. He wants to be single and live the single life before he leaves. It kills me. 

2. Were still good friends. In fact were sex buddies. This started a couple weeks ago. The SEX IS AMAZING!!!  Better than it was when we were dating x10!!!!  We even did it today!!  I love it when he kisses me it let me know that deep down inside he still cares. I also love kissing him. He has the most incredible body I've ever seen! And his dick is huge! Were so great in bed together, there is so much chemistry there that it oozes out my bedroom window! He even tells me I'm beautiful. I love looking at him while were doing it. When I look at him it's I'm telling him "I love you" inside my head. because I can't say it out loud anymore =/

3. I'm extremely jealous. He's going to be clubbing with some of his buddies. He told me this. My heart sank right down to my feet. Just the thought of him dancing with other girls make me want to go find them and kill them all!! But I would never do that. (I may be in love with him but I'm not a creep) I wish I could tell him every day how much I love him and ask him to take me back. But he's too focused on being single and his life to even worry about me. I also don't want to force him to make a decision. That would push him away more. 

4. I pray for him every night. I get down on my knees and beg to God for him to please take me back. Sometimes I even go outside in the middle of the night on my front porch and pray. I feel closer to God when I do it. I also thank God that he's still my friend. I'm probably the few out of his many ex's that he's friends with. I would do ANYTHING for this man!  

5. I can't sleep at nights anymore. I'm too afraid to sleep and have dreams. All I ever dream about is him. "He drives up in my driveway after a few years of being gone and were both grown and older than we are now. Then he gets out of his car and walks up to my front door. Rings the doorbell. I then go to open the door and there he is down on one knee asking me to marry him". I have that dream almost every night. Once I wake up in the morning (the night I had the dream) I get depressed really bad because I know that the dream wasn't real. 

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