Fucking the pain away

1) My ex wife tells everyone I am a terrible father and that I have screwed her over so badly. When we talk she admits all faults for the divorce and tells me she thinks I am a great father.  She doesn’t realize everyone talks to me about this. 

2) I hate my GF. She is gorgeous, but a fucking idiot. There is no conversation at all. She comes over, brings beer and food, and we fuck like rabbits. I think she might be falling for me but I don't want to do the right thing and dump her because her presence masks my pain.

3) I used to be funny. I used to be the life of the party. I used to be surrounded by people. I have been a “home body” for so long now that I have lost that ability to shine.

4) I want a tattoo. I have always hated tats but I think I might get one.

5) I shit my pants the other day trying to fart. There were like 6 co-workers laughing at me. I played it off, but I think they knew the truth when I went to the bathroom. It was a pretty good one.

Bonus) I masturbate about 4 times a day even if I have sex. 

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