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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The right way to break a commandment

I just fucked myself in the ass with my gf's vibrator while I masturbated, and it was fucking PHENOMENAL. To all you guys who refuse a lil assplay cuz you might like it and that would "make you gay"; you're homophobic, closed-minded retards, and you're missing out on some of THE most explosive orgasms in your life.  P.S., naysayers... I'm not gay, either. I fantasize about random female friends when I do it.

I don't contemplate suicide. I did, once, and realized it is the last resort of a feeble mind, and those who do it are ridding humanity of whatever defective gene makes you ignore THE most fundamental evolutionary instinct and off yourself. If you have kids, suck it up and get help so your kids don't end up as fucked up as you are. If you're still alive, there's still time.

I hate cheese.

I'm deathly afraid of wild dogs. Interestingly enough, I'm equally petrified of undereducated urban people.

While I'd never actually do it, I'd love to beat a terminally ill murderer to death with blunt objects. It just seems like the right way to break a commandment.

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