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Chubby chasers suddenly make more sense

I hate my stepmom's mutt.  It's not properly housetrained and keeps crapping everywhere.  I did a shit in it's basket.  The dog got the blame, but now it knows what it feels like.

I was in this cafe, the guy next to me reached over and took my little pack of biscuits, opened them and ate one.  So I reached over took them back and ate one.  The crazy freak did the same thing again so I took the pack back and ate the last one.  He finished his coffee muttered I was an asshole and left.  I finished my coffee and got ready to go.  I picked up my newspaper and underneath it was my pack of biscuits.

I superglued all the lock mechanisms in the padlocks on PJ Moran's bar in NYC after it closed because the waitress gave me my bill and hand wrote her tip on in biro.  She wrote so hard she tore the check.

I am working on a theory that vaginal tightness is related to body fat percentage.  Real skinny chics are looser.  There is a lot more research to be done to prove my theory, but don't worry I'm up to the job.

I shaved my friend's eyebrow off (just the one) when he was drunk because he was snoring. He went off to work next morning and was serving gas for more than 4 hours before anyone told him. He still doesn't know it was me.

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: straight

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