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Gotta top your best friend

1. In my last relationship, my girlfriend always did what I wanted in bed but I still felt I could´nt share myself with her completely since she considered porn-watching cheating because she was a bit traditional. When she later was okay with it, I kind of just masterbated more often than having sex with her, and the more I did the more I felt ashamed because I knew she did´nt approve at first, so it was a state of mind that refused to budge. It was´nt like it was so scarce on sex in the relationship, maybe like 4-6 times a week, even after 4 years, it was just that the release was easier to get to alone, especially when I was stressed.

2. Eventually I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me with one of her closest friends, this was the last drop because she had done this before. We broke up and I was devistated, and the thought of them having sex just ruined me, until I felt aroused thinking about it, so I just, made up a sick fantasy which lasted for like 20 minutes, I felt so ashamed afterwards, but at least it got me to sleep. I didnt actually do anything to that fantasy, I just tortured myself with it. I did this with my other exes as well, because, wierdly enough they all ended up cheating on me and the fantasy part just made me confront what had happened...

3. 40% of the times I had sex with my girlfriend I fantasized about her best friend who I found so damn attractive or other people. It even went so far that I wrote several sex stories about her and me. So yes, I cheated on her mentally quite often.

4. I feel that I´m constantly getting better at sex, so I just want to have sex with the exes again and show them how much better I´ve become, which I did once inbetween girlfriends, I was the other guy that time, the sex was mindblowingly great but that damn shame almost killed me.

5. I am quite insecure, my best friend is better than me in almost everyday, he has great personality, he gets the girls, he is one step ahead of me at the university, he is more well-liked and he has done lots of things I never dared. It feels like I´m with him just to torture myself. And I would probably have sex with him if I could, we do joke about it quite often.

Gender: male
Sexual Orientation: n/a

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