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No one's fault but his

I was just raped.
It was my fault because I was the one who went to his house and watched a movie with him. He was drunk.  We had sex, as I was thinking, "what the hell am I doing?". When it was over, I couldn't be happier. We started talking a little, which eased the tension. And before I knew it he was shoving his dick inside me really hard. It hurt and I started to cry... he didn't care. I even told him he was hurting me. Multiple times.

I don't think my life is that bad. I think of others who have it worse than I do and I don't feel so alone. I'm in college, have a job and live at home to save money. Typical 20 year old, right? Wrong. I lied. I hate my life.

I hate being called sexy, cutie and beautiful. I don't think any of those words could describe me. I try to dress in baggy jeans with sweatshirts so I don't attract any guys. I hate that kind of attention.

I'm emotionally exhausted right now. I can't believe what just happened. I keep thinking that if I didn't go to his house, NONE of that would have taken place. I'm hurting. Literally. FML. I'm not even a virgin and he was just average size. Maybe this is all mental...

My dog made me feel better when I got home. He was happy to see me. It made me cry. A lot. I feel so alone.

 Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight

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