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Friday, December 17, 2010

Best friends for better or worse

Isa - I'm still in love with him. And I think part of me always will. He was the first to ever make me feel as loved as I'd felt when I was with him. He liked that I wasn't thin and that I didn't wear make up. And I miss the way things had been. I miss the way he cared and doted on me and I become more and more heart broken every single day I'm without him. I'd treated him so well; I cared for him when he was sick, helped him study for his certificates. Not once did we ever raise our voices to each other or take advantage of each other. Money was never a factor in out relationship. We'd given each other this relationship that we'd never had before and it was like we'd finally found the person that we'd been looking for; someone that finally gave a shit whether or not the other person cried or laughed. And I want nothing more right now than to have him by my side like before...even if it were only for a few minutes...

Dalawa - There are days in my life where I wake up and I feel like I'm on auto-pilot. I write what I'm supposed to, attend the classes I have to, say the things I'm supposed to. And those are the types of days that scare me the most because I'm waiting for the moment I finally snap and do something I'll regret.

Tatlo - I've been considering just leaving everyone behind and starting over. Not a soul would know where I would be, go, or end up. I would just simply...disappear and be forgotten.

Anim - The one person I feel that has been there for me is my best friend. She's been there for me more than my own family and I would honestly be dead were it not for her in my life. Yet, she is the one person I have always been the most envious of. She will always be the better version of me and I expect her to do better than me in life. I feel that she deserves it more than I do anyways. And the fact that she's single will forever perplex me. She's someone I love, hate, admire, and am secretly bitter towards, but she's someone that I want in my life until the day I die.

Pito - I have been contemplating suicide for the longest time. But I'm too much of a coward to even hurt myself, so killing myself will never be an option...

Gender: female
Sexual Orientation: straight


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